On the Inside
by cheeses
Summary: I love emotion, love to study it and dissect it until I can replicate it perfectly. What should come so naturally to a human, I pine to posses it. I'm a human being who is learning to be human. When Maura meets a girl at the platform, she soon has herself wondering if this dark haired mystery could teach her the art of humanity, but humans are never prefect
1. Chapter 1

"Miss Isles, I don't see your name on the list of presentations"

_That's because I didn't put it there. _

Mr Richard's voice is thick and heavy with his Boston accent, I can't help but cringe away from it.

He's looking at me from his half moon glasses, behind the comfort of his desk.

My desk is hardly conformable, it's like a plinth for me to be perched on and ogled by the class of 25 surrounding me.

If Mr Richard didn't have his long range internal radar, his acute skill with detail, if he wasn't him, I reckon I could have gotten away with it.

But I've not, so there is not point trying to fix what has already happened with mental banter.

Funny, always in hindsight people can make their creates corrections.

I gulp the lump down in my throat and meet his gaze.

'Maura-the-bora' has been caught red handed.

Lucie Jefferson and Allie Smith smirk and revert to bouts of over exaggerated laughter, their tack-tic of making me uncomfortable is working again.

They cover their glossed lips with their manicured hands, their dozens of bracelets jingle and they peer over.

I want to be sucked into the earth.

Only with the natural occurrence of a sink-hole could it be achived, unluckily this high school isn't built over a mine, so for know, I'm trapped above the soil, not matter how appealing it seems to be under it, roaming in the lithosphere.

That would be convenient.

"Miss Isles?"

"I..." I know I can't lie, if I do, I think I'd faint, I hate attention, I hate my Health and Social class. I gulp again. "I didn't put my name down because I couldn't think of anything to present"

Mr Richard is taken off guard, probably because his top student is out of thoughts in her ever expanding brain.

"I'll put your name down, Maura, I'm sure you can think about something from the syllabus"

Of course I can, I know it, I just loath it.

We're dismissed by the bell seconds later.

I want to be a victim of combustion, I crave toxic gases and a lighter just to make it happen.

"Miss Isles, a word" Mr Richard smiles and pushes his half moon glasses up the bridge of his nose.

He has a large nose, a very, very, very large nose.

Probably down to a genetic default or his mother was some form of mutant hawk. I try not to giggle at my own pondering.

Mutant hawk lady, it could be a superhero. Lady hawk, wait, isn't she a musician?

My inner rambling is cut off when my hip collides with Mr Richard's desk. I feel like I've been shot but I hold in my yelp of pain and save it for when I need it most... digesting the school food.

"Watch out there Maura"

Some of the class hang back to hear the conversation.

"Come on Maura, you can think of a subject"

All I can think of is my house, my bed to be more precise.

Home, home,homeless, I've got it.

"The homeless" I shrug and Mr Richard pouts then nods in agreement as if to say, not bad.

I wait for his verbal response and peer down at my shoe laces. I have an IQ of 162 and I still can't tie my shoes laces to the extent of them staying tied.

Perfect example of how my brain functions.

"I want to hear it next Friday, you'll be the last"

"Okay" I hitch the strap of my satchel up on my shoulder and exit swiftly.

I have to come up with a in depth, Maura-the-bora-ish presentation for next Friday. I have time, a lot of time.

Between my biology, chemistry and physics classes, then maths, literature and music classes, I hardly have any time at all. I'll make time, I will, I'll make time.

* * *

I often take trips to subway after school.

Not as glamorous at a hide away in the Ritz or as romantic as looking out on a high hill at Boston, but it has human drama, it possesses human emotion, it gives me a perspective on life and interaction.

I for one, adore it.

I love emotion, love to study it and dissect it until I can replicate it perfectly. What should come so naturally to a human, I pine to posses it.

My Mother often jokes I'm a cyborg, my Father defends me and says I'm a scientist.

I'm neither, I'm a human being who is learning to be human.

I perch of a bench and watch, I sit an examine faces, features, gestures and vocal attributes.

There are lovers, always lovers. A particular pair are about to part, the woman has watery eyes, a reddened nose, the man has sorrow upon his face. They peck each other on the lips then hug.

I squirm.

I feel almost like I'm missing out. To be 16 years of age and not kissed one person or missing that 'significant other', I feel considerably put out.

I've studied kissing, I've studied sex, I've read romance novels and sonnets.

Books are my silent teacher, yet they fail to really explain the emotion behind a connection.

So here I sit and try to soak up the lovers emotion like a sponge.

I'm almost weighed down with the amount of emotion the pair share.

I'm so wrapped up in their soppy display I fail to notice the first few taps on my shoulder. Then by the fifth I find it irritating so turn and stare straight into a pair of dark brown eyes, framed with dark lashes.

I gulp.

"You enjoying the free peep show?" a husky voice washes over me, I'm soon attracted to the sound, almost like a moth to a light.

I can't get enough of it, it's smoky, gritty, down to earth. I suddenly miss it, then realize the question I answer quickly just to hear it again.

"Peep show? I'm just examining them"

They snort a laugh, the laugh is also deep.

I find myself smiling.

"_Examining_ right, do you come here a lot, you know to _examine_ people?" At first I'm still stuck by the voice, but then I have the sickening feeling they are mocking me, but soon as I take a glance into those eyes, I know they are serious.

"Yes, a lot"

"I thought I'd seen you around here actually" they sit next to me, only then do I dare to look at them properly.

Long raven hair, jutting cheek bones, a button nose. I'm surprised with such striking looks, they shouldn't be stuffed in the tight black jeans, Converse and baggy hoody.

Then I'm shocked why a pretty girl bothers to talk to me.

"What year are you in?" she asks and runs a hand through her hair, the very hair I'm transfixed with.

"I'm a 16, I'm a senior"  
"How does that work?" she raises her eyebrows.

"I have a high I.Q" I shrug, it's not a big deal for me. I'm just in school to pass the time now, I know it all, I just enhance it to look like I'm busy.

"Lucky for some"

"Why?" I turn to her. "Don't you consider yourself smart?"

"I'm... intelligent"

"Isn't that the same thing?"

"I consider them to be pretty different"

I stay silent in hope she will elaborate.

"Intelligent, in my opinion is knowing the facts but adding other stuff to beef them out, smart is being a human text book" she then takes time to look me up and down. "From looking at you, I'd say your smart"

She has me pinned.

If I follow her explanation about intelligence, she is gifted with it, gifted with picking up on people and reading them.. much like a book.

I ponder. So smarts and intelligence are the same? Aren't they?

The subject is soon dropped and bleeds into another.

"What's your name?" she asks and rolls her shoulders.

"Maura, Maura Isles"

"Jane" she nods, I go to extend my hand but upon knowing she has done no such thing, I pretend to scratch the back of my ear.

My upbringing is discarded with this girl, with Jane.

"Who are you thinking of spying on next" Jane holds two fingers in the shape of a gun and points it at the passing public.

My eye catches a tall man, his collar is turned up and under his armpit rests a newspaper.

"Him" I nod towards him.

Jane makes a noise like a fired bullet, then sits on her hands, it's like she's telling herself to stop moving so much.

We watch him, we examine, well I do. I have no idea what's going on in Jane's head, her face betrays nothing.

I can soon fathom Jane is a girl, soon to be woman, that doesn't show her emotion, she hides behind her husky voice and dark eyes. She reminds me of a private Detective in a 1940's drama my Mother and I watched months back.

This man gave nothing away, he was hard boiled and stern.

Jane was very much that, but has more of a daring air about her.

We sit, we watch, we're together in this.

Jane soon is a reassuring presence, I don't feel so isolated as I did before she came and sat by me.

A monotone voice fuzzes over the tannoy and sure enough a train pulls up with a screech of breaks.

The man with the upturned collar steps inside the third carriage and is soon gone.

Jane turns to me and smiles.

"I want to know, what were you looking for in him?"

"He looked so bored, he wasn't in any rush" I don't mention the back story his expression and physical being showed, I don't think Jane would care to know. I made up a whole new life for him and he'll never now.

Nobody ever really knows what I can do.

Jane tilts her head.

"You know more though, don't be shy, share it" Jane has done it again, it was probably the pause in my voice, the abruptness of my end, that's how she knows I know more.

"From his slumped shoulders and twitching fingers, he was tired, he probably wanted to get home"

"What does the newspaper suggest?" Jane probably had her own back story to him to, I want to hear it, but instead I share mine.

"He's interested in the world around him, the printed world that can be full of lies, it's just other peoples perspectives, he looks through theirs not his own" suddenly, I don't know why, but I'm angry at him.

Why read the paper?

Why get someone else's view when you can get up and see it for yourself?

Jane grins at me, her teeth are straight, all perfect. I want to ask her if she's ever had braces, I know I used to, but I hardly want to go into detail with it.

"I like you" Jane looks me up and down. Then she sticks her hand out, she extends it to wrap with mine in a firm shake.

All my life I've felt on the outside, not matter where I have been, who I have talked to, I've never felt connected.

I feel like you can draw a circle around us, exclude everyone else, because now, I'm on the inside.


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry if it slips into past and present (although it slips into past on purpose) I'm still trying to get used to this writing style. **

**Enjoy.**

* * *

Sat upon my bed, surrounded by books, all open, all marked with my notes and ready to be read again. I can't help but begin to doodle in my notebook when I think back to Jane.

Books don't seem as interesting now I've got someone much like a character in my life.

We talked for about an hour, we talked until the crowds had decreased in size and just the trains pulling in and out. We were the really fascinating thing.

I remember not knowing how to say goodbye, I knew Jane wasn't one to hug, I knew she wasn't from the same world I'm from.

Calling her 'mademoiselle' like I used to in France would have been out of the question. I had solved the problem with a simple bye and the wave of my hand.

It stings to think back.

We talked, we interacted, we got along, but the social barrier went unsaid.

Thinking back it was certainly there even though nothing was verbalised between us.

I had been sat in my navy dress, styled from my aunties 1940's vintage fashion line. I can't help but feel slightly bad about it in hindsight.

The collar has a tiny metal 'M' studded on each one. My brogues are made from Italian leather, my bag matches.

Did Jane see me as the posh girl?

I'll never really know, I know I wont see her again. I'm left with a sour feeling, I want to see her again, I want to hear her voice, I want her to listen, I want her to talk.

I just want her to be with me, sat here, we'd talk all night if so.

I think to her tainted olive skin, her dark eyes, those eyes, I could stare into them and draw so much emotion. Those eyes know about life, something frightening about it. I want to see the horror, I want to share it with her, comfort her from it.

Yes, I really do want Jane here with me, right now.

* * *

Lucas is sat at the back of the class, he is the only person sat on that row.

I'm fascinated with him. From my seat, I shy a look over my shoulder to peer at him.

He's leaning back in his chair, arms crossed, as if he's observing everything but nothing.

Lucas is the tough guy, he's roughed, dangerous and I'm enthralled with it.

His backpack under his desk is no doubt empty, it's always empty. Lucas isn't academic, he hates the concept of listening and learning, he has his ideas and morals, he isn't afraid to voice them.

The only thing Lucas seems to be interested in biology, even then he doesn't listen but he writes.

I have a respect for him, he doesn't cause trouble, he's just set in his ways.

Today, I feel like I should talk to him, I often do, but today, I feel I really must talk to him.

I glance over again, Lucas is sullen.

I then look down at my paper, I have joined two dots. I stare at them then glance at Lucas for the last time before it looks creepy. I draw a line between the dots.

One day, that's going to be me and Lucas, I'm going to draw a line connecting us.

* * *

I haven't seen Jane in days and it's beginning to bug me. I watch a pregnant woman hobble from a train and greet an older man. I stray on detail, I'm to concerned with waiting for Jane.

Why would Jane be here again? She probably passed through to go home, only catching me in conversation through fascination.

The again, what's so fascinating about me?

Maura-the-bora.

I shift awkwardly and try not to look impatient.

It's the third day since we talked.

What must I look like to the other passers by? A girl who has been stood up?

I hardly think so, but that's probably how I appear.

I'm getting restless, I'm irritated that Jane hasn't turned up, even though I never asked her to.

I need to see her again, I need to hear her voice and need to be inside our circle.

I pick at the hem of my skirt, the floaty black material is light to the touch, I like to pinch it and rub, just to know another human has produced it for someone to wear, to love. I love my clothes, I love this skirt and... I love that I've spotted Jane trotting down the subway stairs, on a beeline towards me.

My heart flutters, I refrain from wanting to leap up and scream 'yes' and do several fist pumps in the air.

Should I look away and pretend I haven't seen her?

Should I stand to welcome her?

I'm still deciding when Jane bounds up to me.

"Maura Isles" she announces and I peer up to meet those eyes. I smile.

"Jane"

I have no idea what her last name is. Did she tell me?

"I thought I'd find you here, ogling at people" Jane wiggles her fingers at the passing people. I roll my eyes.

"Do you have to make it sound as if I'm a pervert?" I say sharply, Jane smirks and shakes her head.

"No, but you know it's true" she's mocking me again."eh, anyway, do you wanna grab a coffee?"

Coffee. Coffee is good. I like coffee.

But it seems to formal, it's like she is reinstating that we still don't know each other that well.

"Yes" I stand and walk with her, Jane has a bold walk, probably due to her athletic build, she walks like someone who is ready to fight the world.

We walk in silence, pushing past people to come up to the streets of Boston.

Jane smiles at me, it's a friendly movement of muscles, all intended to reassure me that I'm safe with her.

I do indeed feel safe around her.

We stand to cross the street.

Jane jogs across the road, challenging the traffic. Her hair blazes behind her, her legs arn't clumsy in their stride. She looks fearless.

I want to step out and risk it, but I stay put waiting for the green signal that means I'm free to walk, I have a right to part the traffic. Not leap in front and get my life ended by a people carrier.

Jane leans against a lamp post and waits for me, a patient smirk blazed across her features.

I finally cross and join her.

"Thank you for waiting" I smile sweetly at her.

"From your rant about society a few days ago, I thought you'd leap over the cars" Jane stuffed her hands into the back pockets of her jeans.

"Whilst living in society I have to comply until I can make my own that is"  
"You aren't gonna start a fascist political party are you?"

Hitler, she's talking about Adolf Hitler and comparing me. Say something Maura, something witty.

"No, I'm not going to"

I'm not funny.

Jane chuckles to herself, I'm surprised, my dismissal was far from humorous.

Then we stop outside a small café.

The large glass windows are littered with posters of bands and what looks like street art. I'm drawn to it.

The sign above reads 'The Robber'.

Jane opens the door for me.

I step inside, instantly I'm surrounded by smog from cigarettes and the loud natter of voices pool around me.

A jukebox hums a moody grunge song, it's not Nirvana like I expect, it's a different band.

Jane steps to my side, she moves her hand to the small of my back and guides me past numerous men who she glares at. I can't help but feel we're on some form of date. I've seen it in enough movies to know a date when I'm with someone. But Jane's a girl, I'm a girl, how can this be a date? Well it could be...

Then we sit in a booth. I slide in first, Jane sits across from me.

The lighting is dim and I can hardly breath, but oddly, I love it.

In here, art is probably the main attraction, to me it is anyway.

Posters line the brick walls, tin lights hang low from the ceiling. A pool table resides in the far corner. Near two doors with the word RESTROOM carved into a wooden plank.

Jane notices me looking around.

"Did you wanna go somewhere else?" concern laces her voice.

"I think it's wonderful" I peer around, the music is suddenly changed to a song I know.

Bruce Springsteen- Dancing in the Dark.

Jane doesn't seem to bother with the change and glances around out of the booth.

"I'll get us drinks, stay here"

I don't know why she says this, but I now know she'll be pretty angry if I move from where we are sat.

I tap on the table and notice a woman pass, dressed in a dress much like mine back at home, she looks as if she's stepped out of the war and landed in here.

Jane returns just as the woman moves to the pool table, my eyes are still following the woman when Jane clears her throat to gain my attention.

A mug of coffee is placed in front of me, a glass of beer in front of Jane.

Now I'm really wondering how old she is, but don't dare to ask. I cup my hands around the coffee and watch Jane tip the bottle back then gulp down the beer.

I study her.

Jane has dark circles around her eyes, I can tell she is lacking sleep. From all my thoughts, nothing can really be used to start a conversation.

Jane saves me. She talks first.

"So where do you live?"

Now I feel the social barrier rise again.

"Boston" I generalise.

"I know that Maura, I wanna know where"

"A new estate, up town"

"Ah" Jane takes another drink, I haven't even taken a sip from my coffee yet.

I don't want to tell her my address, she might think I'm a snob, I would hate to loose a friend to social categorization.

"Where do you live?" after my question I blow the steam away from my coffee and sip at it.

"Just around here" Jane licks her lips. "Why don't I walk you home after this?"

I set my coffee down and can't help but grin.

"Thank you, I'd love that"

Jane smiles and drinks more of her beer.

I drink more of my coffee and try to stop myself from asking all the questions that plague me.

How old are you?

Why did you take me here?

Why are you talking to me?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Jane bites on the inside of her cheek and I stare down at my coffee, it's a comfortable silence, but I want to say something so I can prevent her from leaving me.

She just asked to walk me home, why would she leave?

I twitch.

_Maura-the-bora._

Jane looks me up and down, it becomes a normal thing, it's like she takes me in, scans me into her mind. Does she want to keep me there?

"Maura"

I love the way my name rolls from her tongue and lingers on her lips.

I'm in the circle again, I can feel it.

"Yes?"

"Tell me about yourself" for a moment Jane looks sad, but the moment is masked with a charming smile. I can't help but I'm naked.

"I don't know what to really talk about" I admit. It's true, when someone asks, tell me about yourself, it seems like your brain leaps out and abandons you. Your soon sat thinking 'who am I?'.

"Okay, the people you stare at, who stuck in your mind?"

I feel a blush creep on my cheeks.

For days Jane has been in my mind, I examined her and now she's lodged in my brain.

I want to say 'you' but I can't, I really don't think she'd want me to.

I try and try to think of one person who I've always thought back to, but I can't. Honestly, I want Jane to talk, I want to hear her. I feel dumb when I'm with her, but it's okay because I want her to teach me. I just want to listen to her. Alas, I'm under the spot light. I tap my finger against the mug. I decided to mask the word, 'you' with a description.

"Well" I start, Jane peers at me and runs a hand through her hair. "There was this one girl"

Jane's eyes flash with something like jealously, but not quite.

Funny. Jane's jealous of herself.

"She had really intense eyes, I felt like I could peer into so many lives" I sigh and when I look at her, Jane is still listening.

"She looked like she had a story to tell" I catch Jane's eyes with mine. "A story that I could listen to for hours, I could sit and listen to her for days if I really wanted to"

The confession is masked perfectly, Jane looks almost hurt so I stop talking.

Jane talks now.

"You seem like you want to spend a lot of time with her"

"I do" I glance down at my coffee then sip at it. "I really would just... love it" I sigh my words.

Jane gulps down the rest of her beer and stands up.

"I'm going to close the tab, tonight's being cut short"

When she leaves, her words burn into me.

I shouldn't have told her, about herself... God it sounds so dumb.

I drink the rest of my coffee, I burn my tongue, but I don't care. I've hurt Jane.

Jane returns, now smiling.

"I got one for the road, come on, I got something to show you" she brandishes the bottle then we walk from the café out into the day.

The light hurts my eyes, but I don't mind much, Jane is already guiding me through Boston.

I almost groan in relief, she's not mad.

She's excited if anything.

"I mean, really, I know you'll like it" Jane talks to me over her shoulder, then stops to let me walk by her side.

We walk for half an hour, the evening begins to draw closer.

I'm hungry and still smell like smoke.

Jane is still holding the full bottle of beer.

I admire the way she holds her head. I want to be like that, I want to have her voice, her air, her, everything.

I want to be part of Jane.

I know I do and I'm not going to hide it from myself.

I just want Jane to know, I want Jane to know I'm here.

We finally arrive.

We're on the top of an abandoned building, I can't recall how I got up, but I'm pleased I did.

The wind whips at my skirt and blouse, I look at Jane, then look ahead in the direction she is looking.

From here, I can see Boston, the sun fading over the sky line.

The sun breaks past the clouds and the skyscrapers just fade into the landscape. The pink sky is reflected off the glass, simmering and glittering. Birds roam the tops of them, then fly off in a black flutter. The sounds of Boston float up, the crash of dumpsters, the beeps of horns and shouting, all the sounds of human civilization and imperfection. I know Jane has been born into the city that never sleeps, she's been raised to deal with this life. Through the imperfection of it all, I see perfection and not just on the horizon.

Jane is stood next to me, sipping at her beer. I grin to myself, I can't help but think, we're almost ying and yang, we're dramatically different but we're together in the cities harmony.

"You like it?"

"Jane, I love it"

"You said you liked art, so I thought I'd give you a demonstration of what I call art"

I chuckle to myself.

The natural world is art in itself, Jane has a brilliant perspective.

Jane catches my chuckle and smiles at me, it's a more a pleased expression than any other.

We both stare out.

I then return to old thoughts.

Why is she with me?

Why is she here?

What have I done to lure her to be my, my friend?

"Do you want a bit?" Jane holds the bottle out, I decline.

I don't drink beer, it's effect is something that never appeals to me.

It's an drink for men, not women.

I don't share my opinion with Jane, I want to savor the moment.


	3. Chapter 3

**If you want to know more about how the story is going go to my profile and go to the tumblr, the writing link.**

* * *

I'm bored.

It's rude and unkind so say so, but I am, I really, really am.

Mr Richard has a habit of rambling. Right now he's talking about the economy, the gold standard and keeps reverting back to the state of Governing.

I stifle a yawn and blink to relieve my eyes of the strain of watching him note everything down upon the board.

His rambling is then broken as his gaze shifts from his scribbling to the back of the class.

I wince, my heart increases it's BPM.

For a brief second I swear he is looking at me, fixing his gaze upon me to challenge a simple yawn.

Then he parts his thin lips and the words are almost produced in slow motion.

"Mr Davies"

I let out a sigh, he's set his sights upon Lucas, then I'm concerned for him.

"Come to the board and please, explain how you link all of the notes"  
I know Lucas wont know. I'm considering whispering him the answers, but I don't think I'll get away with it without being picked on myself. Mr Richard has a nasty eye for talkers.

I press my lips into a thin line.

I hear a chair screech back and Lucas walks past, he creates a faint breeze as he passes.

His limbs hang at his side, it's like he's trying to find the will to actually walk.

Lucas rolls his shoulders, unmoved by the remarks that buzz around the class. I can't hear anything specific but I know they are all against him, they know as well as I that Lucas has no idea what has been going on this past forty minuets.

I unfold my arms to watch him fall. I look upon him, rooting for him, to act as if I would have a safety net. It's an illusion, I have no such thing. I can't prevent his downfall.

Lucas simply writes.

_Screw this. _

Mr Richard furrows his brow, his face creases, his half moon glasses slip down his nose.

"Get out" he growls and snatches the marker back from Lucas.

Those two words send a ripple around the class.

Lucas drags himself to the door and is soon out, the door thuds shut behind him.

The whole ordeal was dealt with little emotion.

I pick up my pen and move it between my fingers, I wonder what Jane is doing?

* * *

I try to escape campus as quickly as possible, meaning right now, I'm probably a pace close to running.

With my satchel slung over my shoulder and the wind whipping at my hair, I probably look a mess.

"Maura" a voice cuts through to me. I stop and turn.

Stood by the no smoking sign, Lucas resides, smoking.

I scoff.

He is such a cliché.

Lucas smiles as smoke parts from his lips, he waves.

"You wanna come to my place?"

Panic in Disneyland, biological chaos, red alert.

"Erm" I walk over, my legs are jelly by the time we are in talking distance. I've come all this way just to reject him. "Thank you" he looks hopeful. I wince. "but, sorry, I can't"  
Lucas drops his cigarette to the floor and crushes it with his foot.

"Why not?"

"I have work to do"  
"Come on Maura, you and I both know you've not"

He's hit a nerve, he's slammed his foot down upon it. I hate it when people assume I'm lying, no I have got work to do plenty of it, I just have to see Jane first.

"How would you know?" I respond icily.

"You're a smart ass, you don't even need to be here"

He does have a point.

"I have every right to be in school"

Lucas rolls his jaw and sucks in his bottom lip.

"Thank you for the offer Lucas, I have to go" I turn sharply, the ground beneath my feet crunches and I walk off.

I take a glance over my shoulder once I'm through the gate, he walks off with his hands in his pockets, the hem of his jeans is worn from where he has walked upon them.

My stomach lurches, he is rather handsome from a distance.

When I return my gaze to look ahead, I stop in my tracks, Jane is leaning on the railing like her body is dependent on it, her lips are curved into a smile.

I feel like there is an air pocket inside my stomach and it falls to my feet then rises, only to leave me light headed.

"Jane" I smile and she meets me half way.

"So this is where you spend your time"

"Yes" I glance back at the school, I have no idea why though. Maybe my brain tricked me into thinking it had floated away as Jane spoke.

The actual chance of that happening is impossible.

"Who was the guy?" Jane nods in the direction Lucas had walked off.

"Oh" I suddenly feel guilty. "Lu,Lucas"

Jane stuffs her hands into the back pockets of her jeans and begins to walk, I follow.

"He looked pretty pissed about something"  
I bite on the skin of my lower lip.

"I just told him I was busy"  
"With what?"

"Work"

"Work?"

"Why is it so hard for people to believe I have work?"

"It's not" Jane nudges me playfully. "Where do you want to go?"

"How did you find my school?"

"_Okay_, not the exact answer I was looking for"

"Jane" I press.

"I have my ways" Jane pats the end of her nose with her index finger and winks at me. "So where do you wanna go?"

"Ways? What ways?"

Jane stops, I stop and we stand half way down the sidewalk.

"_Where_, meaning a place, _do you_, that means you Maura, _want to go_, also meaning your choice, _go_"

Jane paces her words like I'm a child learning to speak.

I soon get that she doesn't want to disclose the source of her information with me.

"I'm hungry" I feel my stomach rumble.

"Great, let's go get something" Jane starts to walk again.

"But I don't want to"

"You _just_ said you were hungry" Jane closes her eyes and pinches the bridge of her nose.

Jane doesn't have patience.

"That doesn't mean I want to eat now Jane, in a matter of fact I think I'm thirsty"

"Are you trying to drive me nuts?"

"Why would I want to subject you to mental derangement?" I furrow my brow at her question.

"Never mind..."

We both walk until we reach a cross roads.

"Actually the medical term for insanity is Psychosis" I add.

"_Well_, I know I'll sleep better tonight"

"Do you have to be sarcastic about everything?"

"Yes" the answer is blunt and we cross the road quickly. I'm yet to know where we're actually walking.

"Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit"

"Yeah and there's a fine line between wit and intelligence"

"You lack both" it's too late to take it back, Jane turns sharply.

"Maura!"

"What?"

"You know what!"

"Okay, I'm sorry" I can't help but chuckle at my own snipe. My apology is thin.

"Now I'm wondering why I actually hang around with you"

I pout, Jane glances at me while I do so.

"That's not fair" she groans.

"What?"

"You look like a lost puppy"

"Fury and stray?"

Jane laughs.

"Wide eyed and adorable"

I grin.

"Thank you Jane, wait, where are we going?"

Jane slows her pace and glances around.

"I have no idea"  
"Let's just go to The Robber" I sigh and Jane nods, finally pleased with something I have said.

* * *

We reach the Robber just before it starts to rain, the small droplets of water fall steadily behind us as Jane guides me in.

I can never get used to the smell of smoke, it always seems to leave a different odor dependent on the area, right now, it's giving me a sense of nausea.

Jane and I are about to sit down, I mean, my rear is practically on the seat when Jane bolts up like the table has shocked her and glares at me.

"Sit next to me" she hisses frantically, her eyes are no longer on me but are fixed on some unknown entity in the doorway, I turn to see what she's so frantic about.

A young man is stood in tight jeans, a white t-shirt and navy shirt slung over his shoulder.

I tilt my head to get a better examination of why his shirt is so tight.

He has highly defined pectorals... I mean... I really defined for a man of his age. His biceps and triceps are also equally as toned.

"If your done checking pop-eye out, I need you to sit next to me Maura" Jane snaps, she seems irritated at the fact I have just looked over him.

I quirk my eyebrow and move over to sit in the corner of the booth facing the door. Jane quickly slides in next to me.

"Can you please explain what has brought this on?"

"Giovanni, he's an A grade..."

"Student" I peer around again in hope to actually meet someone intellectual and robust.

"Asshole" Jane dead pans and I jerk my head around.

"I'm sure he's not..."

Giovanni is soon stood over our table, I have to say he's nose is crooked, but other wise he has a fine ratio.

"Hey Rizzoli, you're lookin' hot"

I'm sure Jane looks like she wants to face plant into the table, repeatedly. Her eyes are pleading for him to go away.

"Whoa, who's this plate of Apache chillies?"

"Pardon?" I blurt. Jane groans and hides her face in her hands.

Of course he can't be referring to me as a chilli pepper?

From Jane's flustered expression and Giovanni's earnest stare, he in fact _is_ comparing me to a dwarf chilli pepper with an exceptionally high yield of fruits.

I should be charmed. _Should_.

"I said, you're looking hot too blondie"

Jane blocks his view of me by swerving in the way.

"Move along chilli boy" Jane snaps, but he ignores her and returns to staring at me. I have to say, he is rather attractive when he's not comparing me to dwarf peppers.

"I just wanted to say Rizzoli, your Ma's car is all fixed up"

"Why don't you just tell _her_ that?"

"Eh your closer and have fine friends"

He means me again.

"Fine frien... you know what, now I know why some animals eat their own children" Jane's voice is slightly higher with agitation.

From Giovanni's expression, he has no idea what Jane meant by it.

"Filial cannibalism" I don't really know why I have just decided to share that term for animals eating their offspring, but it seems to have gained both of their attention. Jane glares at me when I continue.

"It's the, erm, act of a animal eating it's offspring" my voice is tiny.

"_Maura_" Jane makes short work of stamping on my foot to shut me up.

I yelp.

"You just bruised my Extensor hallucis longus"

Jane shoots me a confused stare.

"Ew?"

"It's the thin muscle, situated between the Tibialis anterior and the Extensor digitorum longus that functions to extend the big toe"

"Pipe down wiki quote" she snaps and turns back to Giovanni. He seems as equally confused as Jane, but enthralled with me.

"I'll guess I'll be seeing you around then" Giovanni winks at me and walks to the pool table to where the rest of his friends have situated. He hollers loudly at them and claps his hands, he reminds me of a seal... a demented seal.

"Why did you want me to sit next to you?"

"For moral support" Jane grumbles sarcastically and slams her head down on to the table.

"He seems nice" I defend, looking after him as he walks. "He's growing on me"

"So does fungus" Jane huffs.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hope you are all enjoying this, all comments are welcome.**

* * *

The bell has rung. Students are leaving, but I'm holding back.

Lucas is stood by me, his hair has been cut, I want to run my hand through it, it liked it before.

We walk side by side, but nothing is said, not until we are in the corridor.

With the swell of voices and the slam of unseen doors, I'm tapped by sound.

It suddenly feels 50 degrees, I know he's looking at me.

If only if my body had it's own cooling system, I wouldn't be feeling like I'm a human reactor. I still feel guilty about the other day.

"Hey" his prominent jaw and heavy eyes have me. "You seemed to be the only kid in there who knew what they were talking about"

"Thanks" I mutter and stare at my shoes, I've chosen to wear my Brogues again. This simple observation has me wondering, I should really get a new pair, a different colour, a different brand.

"I like it, you made them all look like morons"

I'm struck dumb, a temporary mute.

Lucas is talking to me, someone from that class is talking to me. I'm not usually _this_ shy with other people, it must just be him, maybe I'm still feeling guilty from yesterday.

"You coming?" he motions to me, it's lunch that means he wants to spend lunch with me. Do I want to spend lunch with him?

My mind suddenly goes to Jane, I want to be in The Robber for lunch, not with Lucas. As nice as he seems, as much as his angst draws me to him, it's his smile that worries me.

It's a child's smile.

I decline and almost jog away. I've done it again, I'm running from him.

* * *

It's a grey, wet day.

Cars splash up puddles and beep loudly.

I come out of the metro to be swallowed by the crowds upon the platform.

I fight my way to my bench, to my pleasant surprise, Jane is already sat there. Huddled in a bomber jacket and skinny jeans, along with black ankle boots, she looks a lot more presentable than most days. Her hair clings to her face, her skin is flushed.

"I never walked you home last night" she seems in a bad mood.

I adjust my bag strap and stay silent.

"I want to walk you home" Jane looks at me, her eyes meet mine, they are pleading. I just nod and she stands up and from there, we walk.

I let her hold my umbrella as we cut through the crowds of Boston, she's taller than me so it makes more sense for her to hold it.

"I like your jacket" I finally say as we turn into a quieter street.

"Thanks" Jane looks forward, her eyes are fixed. I bite on my lip and nip at the loose skin, I forgot to put lip balm on.

Shoot.

Jane steps into a puddle and I glance back at the aftermath, the world ripples in the disturbed water.

I want to talk now, I want to hear Jane, but her mouth is pressed into a thin line.

She is really angry at something. When we turn into my street, I ask her.

"What's the matter?"

Jane rolls her jaw.

This is one thing Jane can't hide from me, she can't hide her anger. It's a trait that stains a human.

I remember something I read in a book. It's fresh in my mind, so I pick it.

_Anger is just love, left out and turned to vinegar. _

"Jane?" I press the matter.

"What?" the rain falls heavier.

"What's going on?"

"Why do you want to know?" Jane winces when her words leave her lips. I recoil, why is she snapping at me? I've hardly done anything to cause the upset, haven't I?

"Because I care" I soon notice we're stood outside my house, the white of the walls, the large French windows. The garden, it all seems to make Jane angrier.

"Please?" I'm scared Jane's love, for someone has turned to vinegar, it's turned rancid, I'm scared I've been the cause of it and she's now going to walk away and never see me again.

Jane rolls her jaw, she glances to my house then at me, I glare at her for the answer. I soon realise I'm not going to get it out in the rain, so wrap my hand around her wrist and tug her up my driveway and into my house.

My parents won't be back for another three days, they have taken a trip to France. I can do whatever I please until they return, I'm often left to do what I please.

The door shuts and I take the umbrella.

Jane is busy staring around the hallway.

The black and white tiles upon the floor seem to attract her attention the most.

I peer up the grey marble staircase, the steps are free standing and poke from the wall to form an arty stair case. My Mother is a fan of art, of modernism. I hate walking up them just in case they snap off the wall and I break my tibia or my patella pops out of place. I shudder at the mere thought of that happening, it results in me not wanting to take Jane upstairs.

Upon the walls, I peer at my Father's collection of photographs, old cars, bikes and French villas.

"Tasteful" Jane sighs.

I stuff the umbrella in the stand and lead her into the sitting room, far away from the killer stairs.

Inside, black leather sofas rest, three of them in an attempted semi circle. The TV is mounted onto the wall, Jane pouts at it then shrugs off the bomber jacket. I take it and set it on the back of the far sofa. We stand next to each other peering at the black screen of the TV, our reflection is dark but can be seen. I'm so much sorter than Jane, yet I always feel so tall when near her.

The wooden blinds are pulled over the windows so not much light fills the room, I like it and Jane appears to also.

"If you want to, we could watch it" I smile, it's almost a smirk I think if we just sat watching a blank screen I would like it more. I don't really like TV.

Jane shakes her head, her eyes say yes, but she looks too troubled to really want it fully. Jane sits on the sofa, I follow. I curl my feet under me and watch her.

Jane doesn't look comfortable, I don't feel conformable, being so far away from her irritates me.

The sofa acts like a barrier, a physical representation of our unpronounced friendship. I'm shy to even look at her now.

I've always been shy and it's a torment.

I want to be like Jane, grow the confidence and be just like her.

A girl of 16 shouldn't be shy, she should be courageous and brave.

"You like what you see?" I hear Jane's husky chuckle and fell a shiver run through me.

"Pardon?"

"You've been staring at me for like, ten minuets"

"Oh" I feel a heat invade my cheeks, Jane shakes her head and inches closer until I can smell her deodorant. It's fruity, like soap, but better. I like it, a lot.

My back is pressed against the sofa arm, my legs in an almost automatic action spring out in front me. I'm sat like a paper doll, flimsy and too weak to really react the way I want to.

Jane's dark eyes are soon gazing into mine, I feel her body lie on top of mine, her right arm stops her from completely lying on me, I feel her heart, her quivering breath.

I want her to fall into me, crush me and hug me, kiss me until I can't breathe.

I like this. My body tells me I love it, I've turned to jelly. My neutrons have left me, they've packed up at bailed me, I can't speak My body must want me to home in on my nerves, to be consumed by feelings.

My heart slams in my ribcage, can she hear it like I can feel hers?

"You're really, really attractive" Jane laughs through her words, it's like she's laughing at herself.

My heart thrives with an electric jolt.

The books have never said this happens when two people get intimate.

I never classed myself as a lesbian, I don't think I am, right now I just need Jane to kiss me. Her fingers feel good on my skin, on my lips. I don't want her to stop, ever.

I gulp and feverishly run my hands to lightly touch either side of her hips. Jane lowers her head to mine, I need this.

I really need Jane, it's flowing from my chest through my veins back through my arteries.

"Jane" I whisper as our foreheads press together, I'm suddenly, acutely aware, she is a person too, not the untouchable entity I have subjected her to be.

Jane has body parts, like mine, I know how to please her because I know how to please myself.

My neutrons return with fire.

I crush my lips to hers and feel a rush of passion, passion to connect with her, make her mine.

I know I'm hers, I just want her to be mine.

Jane groans and I feel my core throb at the sound.

My body _really_ likes this.

I've hit a home run.

I've not kissed anyone in my life, I've never been intimate with another person.

Here I am, killing two birds with one stone.

I feel pride well in my chest and I move my lips with Jane's.

I concentrate on following her lead.

Jane pecks at my lips, the sound makes me want to never stop. She licks my bottom lip, I let out a strangled moan, I feel it vibrate in my throat and chest. I didn't mean for it to happen, right now my mind and body are just as confused as each other.

I screw my eyes shut tighter and press Jane's hips down to mine.

Jane runs her tongue along mine, the pecking sound is louder after it, but I find myself loosing a neutron or two every time that wave of electricity probes my heart.

We repeat it, I know I'm getting better when Jane moans to, I want her to moan my name in her voice, scream it at the top of her lungs.

It's sadistic and clingy, but I want her lungs to stop working without me.

We're soon both short of breath, panting, we part.

Jane slams her back into the sofa and sits in a lazy slouch, she looks me up and down, I swear I'm going to melt into the leather.

I don't care about the laws of physics, I'm going to melt, my limbs are buzzing, I'm suddenly crazed to kiss Jane again, but I can't move.

Jane runs a hand through her hair and licks her lips.

Then she speaks.

"Maura" her voice is lower, I sit up to retain what dignity I have left. Still shaky, I crawl closer to her and do exactly what I've seen lovers do in movies, I nuzzle her neck. Jane sighs contently and kisses the top of my head.

I'm at ease.  
We don't need to fumble with the awkward, I like you, I like you too, let's date, that stuff can last months.

I'm content with how it's turned out, that's when I feel uneasy, Jane probably feels me tense, the mutters her words into my hair.

"Maura?"

"Does this mean, we like each other, I mean, are we now dating?" I have to confirm it, I can't be trapped in the 'friends with benefits' cycle. I just don't think I could deal with it.

Jane runs her hands down to hold my hips then lifts me to straddle her waist.

"You had me from when you were perving on that couple at the train station"

"I wasn't perving!" I huff and refuse to kiss her again, I turn my cheek. She has to learn, Jane has to respect a moment like this.

"Come on Maur"

A nickname? Pet name?

My heart leaps, I love the way she's pleading now, her thumbs rub circles into the sides of my hips.

"It's a study" I gulp and remove her hands from my waist and pin them down on the sofa. "I want to know how to read people" I admit this freely and Jane furrows her brow.

"Read people?"

"I've never been good with talking to people, so I want to be sure in later life I know how to interact perfectly"

"You're interacting with me pretty well right now" Jane's words boarder on a groan.

I raise my eyebrow and get a kick from it. I must be 'teasing' her.

I can work with this.

"Really?" I whisper, I lower my voice like she did before, I press my lips to her ear. "You like it?"

I run my index finger, with my nail up and down the right side of her neck. Jane whimpers, I've got her.

I fight the blush from my cheeks and try to remain in control.

That whimper makes me want to get her out of her clothes and do everything I've ever read.

I want to have sex with her in a chapel, the thought springs to mind. It's messed up but I don't mind the sound of it.

I blame '_The End of Mr Y_' for getting that into my head. That book has left me profoundly sceptical about the world. It urges me think about extravagant places I could go with another person and just make 'love' to them.

I hardly think two people create love through the act of intercourse, I believe it's through dialogue and friendship that love is born.

I'm not in love with Jane, not yet.

I don't think she's in love with me either.

Does she believe in love?

"Maur, you're killing me" Jane croaks. I come out of my thoughts and swiftly catch her lips with mine.

That's shut her up, it's shut me up.

Jane's hands are back on my hips, I rock ever so slowly upon her lap. We're loosing oxygen, but I don't care it feels good.

I bite on her lip and tug on it every few times she bucks into me.

Why the hell are we still clothed?

"Jane" I pant and we part. Jane's face and neck is flushed, I probably look the same.

"Yeah?" her eyes are threateningly dark. Our foreplay has resulted in deeper desires.

"Are you..." I don't really want to say 'are you aroused' because it sounds _really_ creepy and I don't want to mention anything related like horny, in fear of sounding like Austin Powers. That's three hours of my life I'll never get back.

I gulp and just kiss her again, I'll stay quiet, it's the best way to go.

Thinking about Austin Powers has turned me off, I really don't know how to get the sound of his voice out of my head.

'Do I make you horny baby'

I hate myself at times.

I pull away and sink my head down on to her shoulder.

"Maura?"

I have to tell her or she'll think something seriously wrong. In my opinion, thinking about Austin Powers whilst kissing someone is seriously wrong.

"I really need to get Austin Powers out of my head" I grumble into her t-shirt.

Jane is silent at first then begins to chuckle.

"You're thinking about Austin Powers while making out with me?" Jane is laughing harder now, I'm ashamed of myself.

I need to burn that stupid box set.

"Do I make you horny baby?" Jane mimics his voice. I let out a groan of frustration, then begin to laugh. Out of my embarrassment, I realize it truly is funny.

I don't know how but we're soon sprawled out on the cream rug and laughing hysterically. I'm on my back, with my eyes screwed shut trying to think of ways to calm myself down, but Jane's laughter makes me laugh even more.

We're working off each other.

I feel Jane's lips connect with my neck and I slowly stop until it's a distracted giggle.

I re-open my eyes and soon feel Jane nuzzling my neck.

I sigh.

It feels good, it calms me down and lets the muscles in my stomach stop aching from all the laughter.

"Next time we make out, don't think about Austin Powers"

"I won't, I promise"

Jane snuggles up to me, her legs wrap with mine and I rest my head under her chin. I feel my limbs grow heavy and my eyes are soon begging to be shut.

"Are you sleepy?" Jane whispers, her voice also thick with the need of some rest.

"Kind of" I wrap my arms around her and press her body to mine.

My eyes flutter shut just as Jane's breathing becomes shallow, I want to fall asleep like this all the time.


	5. Chapter 5

**Amusing fact about this- the song I have on repeat while writing this is Say You Don't Want it by One Night Only, I think it suits Maura perfectly. **

**...Enjoy**

* * *

It's dark outside by the time I finally wake.

I groan and sit up, Jane's not next to me. I franticly look through the dark, her jackets gone. The lights from the street glitter through the blinds, it's still raining.

"Jane?" I hiss to myself and scramble to my feet. I feel a tug at my heart, but I know she has a life too, she's not just part of mine. She just doesn't disappear when she's out of sight, she doesn't just vanish when my eyes and my eyes only aren't trained on her.

I'm soon reminded of a theory. This extravagant idea that unless a person is witnessed in place, they are really not there if they aren't seen. It's a long shot for trying to explain the existence of God. Only a larger creature looking down on us has let us exist purely from observation. I'm too tired to go into detail with it, just to convince myself that Jane isn't a person.

Jane is very much a person and one that I can't get out of my mind.

I wipe the sleep from my eyes and stifle a yawn.

My stomach aches and I'm soon nauseated.

Food seems like a logical solution around about now.

I walk into the kitchen, my tights provide little warmth against the tiles. My feet are soon hurting from the cold.

I pull open the fridge and the light flicks on.

I remember as a child trying to figure out if the light is still on when the door is shut or turns off.

It kept me busy for about a month as a four year old.

I pull out a pot of rice pudding and peel off the lid, I then shut the fridge by nudging it with my bum.

A good use for the part of the human anatomy that is often regarded with mixed feelings.

I collect a spoon and soon begin to eat.

My feet slap against the tile and I'm soon in the sitting room, the rice pudding is soon gone moments after I sit down. I peer down, I didn't pace my mastication, therefore I ate quicker.

I set the pot down on the coffee table and sprawl on the sofa.

I'm wallowing in misery that I really shouldn't have.

I know I'm in a mood because Jane left.

I know that I'm sulking just to get rid of all the feelings that are most likely going to make me hunt Jane down and kiss her until she's bruised.

I peer around.

I need more rice pudding.

* * *

The next time I care to wait for Jane, I should bring a fur coat of some description. Not real fur, to close enough to keep me warm.

I'm stood near a huge billboard.

One with a woman looking seductively out to the opposite platform, I don't really understand why a woman has to be portrayed on an advert as being ready for sex when it's actually selling ice cream. I don't hear of many people getting into bed with their partner, naked, willing, then pull out a Cornetto and eat it instead. Think of the mess, bed crumbs mainly.

The wind whirls around me, it snaps down the stairs and rattles my bones. My black drainpipe jeans, heels and white blouse all pay for my ignorance towards the weather. It's flimsy clothing for a growing winter.

I then regret tying my hair back into a clip, my ears are freezing.

A train hurtles past, clunking in the rhythm of a heart beat then screeches to a halt, screaming in protest against the tracks.

I lean back on the wall and a voice fuzzes over the tanoy.

I peer around, I hug myself in defence against the cold.

Then as the train pulls back out, clanking as it does so, Jane is stood on the opposite platform, looking straight at me. I push off the wall and Jane holds her hand out as if to say wait. I look over her, she's striking to say the least.

Her hair is tussled, she is dressed in a black Aviator Gloss Trousers, from All Saints if I'm not mistaken. I can just make a out a grey tee underneath her Marsden Leather Jacket, also designer.

She looks like she's run from a meal. Oh God, maybe she has.

A wave of guilt traps me and stabs into my gut, she shouldn't be leaving anywhere for me.

It's a charming thought, but I really wouldn't like her to think of me as needy. But... I'm waiting for her...

"Maura" her voice is raspy when she finally reaches me from crossing the bridge over the train line.

"Jane, you look, amazing" I smile and stand back to admire the clothing, she has good taste I have to say.

"Erm, thanks, I guess"  
"Have you come from somewhere?" I peer up at her, her eyes are glittering with excitement.

"Nah, nowhere important"

"Then what's with the designer clothes?"

"I'm not allowed to dress nice for you?"

"You're dressed like this for me?" my voice is merely a squeak. The all to familiar air bubble drops and rises in my stomach with a vengeance. I almost let out a tiny yelp as my skin flushes. "You, you really didn't have to"

"No really I did" Jane smiles and looks down at herself, then back at me. Her eyes are lit with something along the lines of excitement. "Have you had anything to eat?"

"No" I have to admit I'm hungry.

"Great" her smile is even brighter now, whatever plan she had, it must be working out.

I bite on my lip and walk with my arms still wrapped around me. We surface from the subway out into the evening.

The city glitters with frost and neon signs. People rush around, trying to find refuge in shops and cars, taxies and restaurants, all to get out of the drastic drop in temperature.

Yet, we walk calmly through it all.

"Where do you have in mind?"

"I'm not telling" Jane smirks to herself. I shiver, I try to conceal it, hide it away from Jane so she doesn't feel rushed to get us out of the cold like every other person. I don't want us to be like everyone else, with Jane, I actually appreciate human individuality. Jane turns, she must have felt me shiver.

"You cold?"

"Just a little"

Understatement of the century.

Jane smiles softly and shrugs her jacket off and hands it to me.

"Put it on" she stops walking and dresses me in it, I don't object, but now I'm wondering if she's cold.

"Jane, won't you be cold?"

"I don't feel like the cold like most people" Jane looks me up and down, it's a look that has me enthralled. "You look good in it"

It's a little oversized on me, but warm, really, really warm.

I don't know how to respond, with her eyes upon me I don't think I can.

I feel a lump in my throat, it's composed of urges and emotion that I'm yet to convey, I'm just not sure how.

Some people would hug, some would kiss, I'm tempted to do so, but not in public, not yet.

Instead, we resume our walk to God knows where.

"I've never asked, do you have siblings?" I smell Jane's perfume upon the jacket and sigh.

"Two" Jane has her hands stuffed in her pockets, our footsteps are unevenly paced, delayed in time to one another. "Frankie and Tommy" I see her rolls her eyes.

"You?" she smiles and I shake my head, I don't think I really want to tell her the whole story in such a public place.

"Lucky" Jane sucks in the word.

"I'm sure they aren't that bad"

"They're my little brothers, they were born to annoy me"

"At least you have siblings to annoy you" I don't mean to sound sad, but my voice cracks at the pinnacle point that would be considered just that. Jane wraps her arm around my shoulders and pulls me close.

"I could annoy you if you want" Jane whispers into my hair.

It's a bogus offer which leaves me chuckling.

"Thank you Jane, but I still want to be attracted to you by the end of tonight"

Jane leaves a kiss in my hair.

"Then I better not piss you off" Jane the guides us down a side street. "Come on"

An army of take out signs and traffic lights, the constant flicker of the lights create a spectrum out in front of us. Stars are the glittering back drop to such an urban show.

The distant beeps of horns and the shouts of Italian shop keepers coo out into icy wind.

Metal screens are pulled over the shop windows with a clatter and clunk.

Buskers play their lazy last song, an attempt to free the night of the cold that has claimed it. Jane and I walk through this show, cigarette smoke plooms in the air from dark alleys and passing strangers.

The dim lights of 24 hour corner stores light our path.

"I think it's time you saw the city from my point of view" Jane slips into one of the corner stores, the door jingles and I'm abandoned outside, peering in through the misty glass.

There are raised voices, I stand back, torn between going in and staying outside, waiting for Jane to return from her adventure.

Why the heck has she just abandoned me?

Catching me off guard, as I reside into the fact I may be waiting a while, the door jingles open roughly and Jane burst out, laughing. I stumble back and catch the gleam in her eye.

"Run Maura" she hollers into the air and I simply follow in a panic as I hear a rough shouting behind us. The angry thud of foot steps and the door jingling out into the night air has me in a frenzy of a rushed heart beat fuelled by adrenalin and the whoosh of the night air past my ears.

"What did you do?" I pant, my feet slamming down with angry clicks as we run away from the store. Jane's hair flows behind her, she's still laughing, she doesn't answer.

With laboured breathing and slowing footsteps we come to a natural stop. I double over, gasping for air as it's been stolen from our escape. Jane leans back upon a closed shop window, the metal covering it rattles with her weight.

Her laugh is gravely.

"So you run everywhere?" I manage to catch my breath in heavy breaths.

"I mess with shop keepers" Jane then throws a packet of Razzles, I barley have stamina to catch them.

"You made me run for candy?" I examine the packet, wait did she pay? "Did you steal these?"

Jane looks shocked and is already pouring a few into her mouth.

"No" she protests through a mouthful. "I lefff the money on fuh countpher"

"So you made him think you were stealing?" I stuff the packet into my pocket and Jane nods, a grin across her features. "And Jane, don't talk with your mouth full, it's rude"

Jane shrugs and begins to walk again, still breathless, I follow.

The winter air has made my lungs ache.

Jane is happily chewing on the Razzles as we walk, the sound of my heels are sharp against the backdrop of the city, that seems to be the only thing I can really concentrate on.

We walk onto a busy street, bursting with over head adverts and street food around us. Cars rumble around us and flashing signs consume every direction of my sight.

Men call out, trying to lure passers by with their confectionery.

Jane takes my hand and winks.

"What? You're going to flash at the popcorn man and get us some?" I huff, I have to keep up an appearance of stubbornness even though I do find this rather endearing.

Jane makes me fear for her actual sanity when she walks over to the stand.

I'm surprised when Jane returns, without any shouting or running to me with a paper bag full of popcorn.

"Whala" she shoots me a charming grin and hands me the bag.

I can't help but feel now, more than ever there is a divide between our two worlds, I would have never dreamt of buying something from one of the stands. The heat from the bag soothes my icy palms, in a way, it reassures me that we all live in the same place, why should I bother with separating us?

Yet, Jane seems at home in the midst of the city, I'm brining to like it more and more.

I pop some popcorn into my mouth, chewing on it slowly as we walk. Jane peers around, the reflection of the city lights gleam like a fire in her eyes. It's beautiful.

"You're staring at me again Maur" Jane smirks, her hands are comfortably sat in her back pockets.

I gulp down the clump of popcorn.

"I just find you fascinating"

"Like a specimen?" Jane eyes me.

"As a person" my voice is soft, Jane takes to it and leans in. I halt. I'm trapped in her eyes, they make my cheeks flush and my knees turn to jelly. If she kisses me, I think I'll go vasovagal.

Jane licks her bottom lip and then sneaks her hand into my popcorn, only to grab a handful.

"Jane!" I pout "You could have just asked"  
"But then I wouldn't have go to see your brilliant radish impression"

"Oh, être tranquille"

"Huh?" Jane does a double take while stuffing the popcorn into her mouth.

"I said be quiet" I state a matter of factly, Jane still looks aghast.  
"You speak French?"  
"I went to school there and take frequent visits"

"Well, Marie Antoinette, I don't think you can silence me with French...unless it's with cake"

_I can silence you in many other ways._

The little tiny thought crosses my mind and makes my lips curve into a devilish smile.

The thought of just pinning her down and kissing her has me seriously considering it.

"Actually Marie Antoinette never said 'let them eat cake' she was picked on and unfairly called _Le Godmiché Royal_"

"Do I want to know what that means?"

"The Royal Dildo"

A few passers by smirk as I say this and Jane winces, it soon turns into a disgusted but amused expression.

"No more popcorn for you" she grabs it from me and I roll my eyes, does she have to be that prude about sayings like that?

"I'm just saying..."

"Silence Google"

"I hardly think I'm an internet server"

"You're as vast as one and buffer when you're confused" Jane winks at me.

"Shut up Jane"


	6. Chapter 6

On my Father's ever insightful rules, I invite Jane in. I wouldn't have left her to walk home anyway.

Upon closing the door, it's firm thud and click confirming the closure, I'm quick to press Jane to the wall and kiss her upon the lips quickly.

I have planned doing such a thing all night. I came close to such a deed when we took a short cut down an alley, I could have easily kissed her out of sight and had my 'way' but no, I kept it to myself. I'm thankful the door is closed and the hall is dark, she can't she the blush of my desperation.

Our noses collide clumsily, but once Jane recovers from the initial shock, she kisses back. Her lips slide over mine with the tenderness of a simple rose petal they easily meet with mine soundly. I wonder what my lips feel like to her?

The hallway is huge and looms in comparison to our bodies. It's warmer and I'm soon considering dragging Jane up the stairs of doom to my bedroom to finish what I want to start.

Jane pulls away suddenly.

Insert joke in the next second, I know she will, it's a habit of hers. It actually derives from insecurity, the chance that I will voice that right now is minuscule.

"Is this how you greet _all_ of your guests? _What_ am I saying, you're French" Jane chuckles and licks her lips, her eyes search my face.  
"I was merely educated there" I try to sound composed, but there is a groan in my throat that wants to be let out.

"The same thing" Jane runs her hands under her jacket that I'm still wearing and holds my hips, she pushes them to hers. A spark of electricity runs around my heart and makes my heart swell with air. I lean into her in response. Then all of a sudden, I remember the Canadian cheddar in the fridge. I really would like some, cheese is supposed to go with the finer things in life. I consider Jane to be one of the finer things in my life.

"Want some cheese?" I speak against her lips.

"Really?" Jane pulls back.

"Yes, it's cheddar" I bat my eye lids.  
"Is that supposed to be a sign of some sort?"

I pull away from her hold and hop out of my heels on the way to the kitchen, I then place them in the wooden rack by the kitchen door. I'll take them up to my room later.

"It's a sign that I'm hungry"

"You just ate a bag of popcorn"

"You stole half of it"

"I like to say, wooed it from you" Jane is following me, I'm glad she feels free to, most people hang around until told to follow in another persons abode.

"You did not _woo_ me Jane" I glance over my shoulder and flick on the kitchen lights. The spot lights fixed in the ceilings flicker on with pops and pings.

"You seemed pretty wooed to me"

I suddenly think, wooed sounds like rude if you pretend to have a speech impediment, the impediment being Rhotacism to be precise.

I giggle to myself and open the fridge.

"Cheese" I hum, as if it would help me to find it. Jane is slouched near the island, I can feel her eyes upon me. I try to peer at her from, the corner of my eye, but it strains my eyes to do so. I give up and peer further into the cold cave the fridge proves to be, I move pots of yoghurt and jars of honey, jam and other condiments.

I'm clad the cold air is pouring out, it soothes my burning skin.

"Be careful you don't get a cold" Jane is closer now, she's behind me I know that much. My search for the cheese has been hindered, I can't find it. Maybe I ate it?

"Actually Jane, the role of body cooling as a risk factor for the common cold is controversial" I speak as I stand straight again, I close the fridge door. "I mean yes, low humidity can be a..."

I gasp, the air is stolen from my lungs as Jane's hand roams around my waist and pulls me to her. I gulp down a yelp. Her hands send a tingling upon my skin, they open up the pores with a fever that can only be cured with Jane's lips.

"There, I got you to shut up" Jane sniggers, her lips are near my ear. I feel her breasts against my back, her hot breath tickles my skin. I try and hold back my emotions and physical reaction by biting down, hard, on my bottom lip. It's to assure myself I won't ravage her.

I was asking for this, I knew I'd get it.

Jane kisses the spot below my ear and close to my jaw, her teeth nip at the skin. It sends a shiver across my neck and scalp, down my back and to my toes. I whimper with the feeling.

"Jane" I whisper and her hand plays with the buttons on my blouse, popping them it and out.

"Yeah?" Jane slides the pins from my hair and brushes it all to the left to kiss the back of my neck. It's a sign of affection, I read it somewhere once.

I can't concentrate, my mind is everywhere, much like Jane.

Her right hand is holding my hip securely to her crotch, so my rear is upon it. I can't help but moan at that alone. Her nose is nuzzling the back of my neck, it's an assault upon my defences. She's working on me, working me down so I can submit to her.

Her left hand is a wicked tool.

Jane's slides her hand to meet with the burning skin of my abdomen, tracing lines across my skin.

"Don't stop" I groan out, I feel Jane smile into my skin and she kisses my neck, she sucks at the skin, she nips and licks. I can't help but vocalise my pleasure.

"I don't think I could if I wanted to" Jane's voice is gritty in the shell of my ear, it's deep with a husk I want to hear more.

"Are you thinking about Austin Powers?"

"No" I chuckle, the sound is raspy as Jane cups my left breast.

"Brilliant" I'm sure Jane just moans that word to finish me off, sure enough she has me. I spin around and practically leap on her. I slam my lips into hers, I let out a needy, throaty moan. I'm embarrassed with such vocalization, but it's a natural occurrence and I think Jane likes to hear it.

Jane pulls the jacket from me, it lands on the floor with a whump.

I run my hands around the back of her neck and sure enough, Jane gets the message. She lifts me with ease so I can wrap my legs around her waist, I try to make myself as light as possible.

Once secure, I have to crane my neck so I can kiss her. The task is simple and rewarding.

"Where do you want to..." Jane pulls away and gropes my rear, I buck into her involuntary.

"Anywhere" I pant and I kiss her neck, replicating everything she exercised on me.

I soon feel the cold wood of the island collide with my back, I get the message and sit upon it.

We kiss until we're panting like mad dogs. I want more, I want more of her. I play with the hem of her shirt my fingers meet with her skin often.

Jane's mouth is working down my neck, to my collar bone. I gasp as she begins to unfasten my blouse. She nuzzled into the nape of my neck.

The cold air of the room is a sharp contrast to the heat upon my chest, the very heat that is attacking me all over.

"Jane" I move my hands up into her raven locks, I tug and them as her mouth sins against my skin.

My blouse is soon discarded.

I pull away from her. Jane whimpers.

"Off" I pant motioning quickly to her tee. I restrain from giggling when she hurriedly throws the clothing away, her pupils are large, soaked with my image no doubt.

"Better?" she looks down at herself then at me.

"Oui" I purr and curl my hands on her shoulders to kiss her soundly.

* * *

There are things in life a person can't avoid, some things that people can't stop even if they try their hardest.

I for one, can't stop or avoid thinking.

I tried to stop once. I lay in bed for hours trying to figure out how I could file away my endless thoughts and create a perfect vacuum for all my pondering.

Thinking about _not_ thinking is _still_ thinking.

Right now, I'm in that predicament.

Jane is beside me, I don't know what she's looking at, but her eyes are fixed on something.

I'm huddled under my sheets, Jane is cuddled up behind me, our legs are intertwined, urging our bodies to merge into one.

"Do you think someone can stop thinking?" I whisper, Jane draws her attention back to me and draws lazy circles into my shoulder blade. I feel myself flush once I really grasp what we've just done. I like the feel of her bare skin upon mine, it's better than any clothing.

"Don't you ever stop?" Jane mumbles, her voice thick and worn.

"Stop what?"

"Wearing out your brain?"

"I don't think I can"

Jane plants a kiss on the back of my neck.

I close my eyes and smile at the feeling. I'm still numb from the climax Jane brought me to, I still feel the waves wash over my nerves.

I want to stay here forever, just cooing soft words into the air and not really caring if I get an answer or not, it's a perfect limbo.

"I wouldn't want it any other way" Jane nuzzles my skin, I hum just to show her I love it. I feel her hand soothe over my ribs, softly caressing me.

"Jane"

"Mhhm"

"I.."

The door bell rings.

"Shoot" I groan, I knew the real world would have to shatter our daze sooner or later.

"Leave it" Jane holds onto me tighter.

"Jane, it could be important" one foot is poking out of the covers, feeding from the cooler air in my room.

Jane lets go of me and rolls onto her back grumpily.

"I'll be back in a minuet"  
"I'm counting"

The door bell rings again, louder. I pull on my underwear and quickly pull on some jeans and a stray t-shirt from my draw.

The wood snaps at my bare feet and I jog down the killer stairs to answer the door. My legs are still tingling.

The cold air wakes me up as I pull the door open.

"Maura"

"Aunt Clare?" I nearly choke on my words, the woman stands as bold as brass in front of me. Clare is my Mother's sister, the woman tends to look on the wilder side of life, she's classed as the 'cool' auntie.

"You look worn out" I step aside to let her in then take a glance up stairs, I'll have to go and tell Jane.  
"I'm just, sleepy" I fake a yawn to exaggerate my point. "Not to be rude, but why the sudden..."

"Arrival at this time of night, well, your Mother rang and said I should check up on you"  
"At this time?"

"Yes" she must guess I'm edgy because she also takes a glance up stairs.

"Are you entertaining?" she wiggles her perfectly shaped eyebrows.

I try and fend off the blush that threatens.

"Yes, I can tell them..."

"Let them stay darling, I'd love to meet them, I'm not your Mother you know"

Don't I know it, the woman is damn crazy.

"I'll go and, erm, get them"

I bolt up the stairs of death, trying not to trip and leap into my room. Jane is stood in her bra and jeans flicking through a issue of National Geographic. I stop in my panic to admire her strong posture, when Jane turns, fully aware of my presence.

Jane grins at me.

"My Auntie is here" I pant.

"Oh" Jane bites on the inside of her lip, a blush fights on her cheeks, it's panic induced.

"Don't worry, she wants to see you"  
"Yay?" Jane sets the magazine down, her brows furrowed in confusion.

I pull off the tee and hand it to her then pull on a oversized green sweater.

"Sexy" she winks and kisses my cheek. Jane is fully dressed, socks and all.

"Later" I smirk and lead her by the hand down stairs. By Jane's obedience, she has agreed to see my Aunt.

"Aunt Clare?" she's no longer in the hallway, Jane leans in.

"Your Auntie is a Chameleon?"

"Shut up Jane"  
"Oh so it's a Jane you're entertaining?" Clare pops her head around the door.

We both jump apart at her sudden appearance. I fumble for words, but only one springs to mind past the thud of my heart.

"Yes" I look between the pair, Jane seems amused by her and then by my shock.

Is Clare eating a carrot?

I try and get a closer look but she's already disappeared into the kitchen, ranting about something.

"I like her" Jane chuckles and I lead Jane into the kitchen.

I suddenly freeze, my blouse and Jane's jacket are still on the floor. Well the jacket is on the floor, my blouse is on the island, Jane's tee is also near the jacket.

We stare at the clothing then at each other in horror.

Clare is already motioning to the clothing, puzzled.

"Maura, you really have gotten slobish"

"Yeah Maura" Jane teases me nervously and nudges me. I glare at her, seconds later Jane's phone rings, almost the a queue to get out of the awkward aura the room now possesses.

"Damn, this'll be my Ma" she plucks the device from her pocket and she sighs but doesn't answer it. The ringing fades.

"I gotta go Maura" Jane motions to the door. "I'll see you tomorrow" Jane tries to pace her words to refrain from what she must really want to say. I know she wants to say other wise because her eyes give her away.

"Yeah, I'll see you to the door" I can't help but also sound wooden.

We exit the kitchen with haste and both stand at the door, Jane smiles softly at me.

"You better bring my jacket and t-shirt tomorrow" she whispers and picks up her shoes to slide them on.

"Don't worry, I will"

Jane twists the handle. She can't be leaving all of a sudden, I don't want to leave her with just words.

I slam my hand down onto hers and hinder her exit. I have to do something. Anything.

"Mau...umph" I slam my lips to hers hurriedly. It's a chase kiss but non the less rewarding. I stumble back upon 're-entry'.

"Hold on" I gasp and run into the kitchen, I don't even glance at Clare when I scoop up the jacket and return to Jane with it in my hands like a peace offering. Did I just waddle up to her? Heck, if I did...

"Don't catch a cold" I whisper, Clare is probably listening anyway so I don't know why I feel the need to be cautious.

"You said that, what was it? It's wrong about people getting colds in cold weather"

"I know, but I don't want to risk it"

Jane pulls on the jacket and kisses my cheek, it's a sweet and blissful moment.

"See you Maura"

"Bye Jane"

Jane is soon out of the door and walking down the driveway. I lean in the door way, I don't care about the breeze.

I bite on my lower lip and watch until she is out of sight only then to long for her again.

"So you like her then?" Clare's voice pools in my ear. A shock probes my heart and I yell with the feeling of my heart lodging itself in my throat for a moment.

"You scared me"

Clare closes the door and gives me, this, _this_ look.

I can't place it.

It's almost like she's making puppy dog eyes at me while trying to force the Spanish inquisition through her pupils. It makes her look even more demented, her eyes are bulging from their sockets.

It's hardly healthy to give a person such a look.

"Are you dating her?" her voice is strained. Is she trying to push her whole body out of her eyes?

"Yes, I am seeing her on a regular basis" I state calmly, despite the butterflies raging in my chest. I walk back into the kitchen to pick up my blouse and Jane's tee.

I want to wear it, it feels comfortable.

"Darling! That's wonderful"

"Just don't tell Mother"

"Why not?"

"She has no idea that I'm even interested in males" my voice rises with a bout of unpronounced stress.

"Males? You make it sound so scientific"

"Because it is" I fold the clothes neatly and set them down on the island ready to be taken to the laundry room when I've escaped Clare and her ever expanding eyeballs.

"It's cute" Clare sits herself down on the stool nearest the fridge from the island. "How long?"

"A week and three days, almost 2 weeks if you take into account the days I've thought about her"

"Nawww" Clare drops her head into her hands. "What have you done with her?"

I whirl around, my cheeks have flushed with heat.

I really would like a self cooling system right now.

"I have walked around Boston with her, we talk"

"You know what I mean Miss Isles" Clare wags her finger at me, I swear she is more like a big sister than an Auntie.

"I don't really want to tell you" I admit. This is a good time to take the clothes into the laundry room. As I do, Clare follows me. I had no idea the woman could be so agile. Her brown waves of hair are pinned back and cherry lips are curved into a smile. If you care to look past the vocabulary and nature of this woman, she is really quite beautiful.

"Maura Isles, tell me please" she hangs in the doorway of the laundry room, I place the clothes in the washing machine and turn various dials until it churns into action. The woman blocks me from getting out by filling the doorway with her limbs.

"Tell all Maura"


	7. Chapter 7

**I'm sorry it's bee so long since I last updated**  
**sorry it's short, I'll make it up to you all.  
**

**Enjoy**

* * *

Through the swell of the crowd and the constant fuzz of the overhead tannoy, I try and bottle my anger. I try and trap the emotion. I crave to slam the cork down on the opening, to shut it away from the kinder emotions that battle through me.

The cold wind whips at my face, as if it's slapping me constantly with it's icy caress. It makes my pores sting and my eyes water.

Huddled in my parka, I clap the heels of my shoes together, almost like for moral support as I think about walking back home.

This is the fifth day I have waited for Jane.

It's getting colder and I don't really know if I can actually bare the fact that she may not show up again today.

I sigh, my breath swirls in the air and I bite on my chapped lower lip.

I try and look out for her mess of raven hair and her dark eyes that have been the subject of my thoughts for the past week.

I have no luck through this wave of exiting passengers. Men with turned up collars, women in large over coats, children with pink faces, but no raven haired girl.

My knight in a shining hoodie hasn't arrived.

I suck in a breath, I want to leave, but the thought of leaving then Jane turning up is my gravity.

I'm crushed by it to stay, just to sit static until she arrives.

"This is where you hang out?"

Lucas's voice cuts through the crowd and he sits down next to me heavily. The bench quivers with his harsh application of force.

"Yes" I sigh, still looking ahead.  
"You say you're busy but you don't look it" his voice is bitter.

I really don't want to deal with him.

"I study people" I state.

Lucas coughs and shifts his weight to edge closer to me.

"And that takes up your whole night?" Again, his voice is bitter.

"If it takes that long... what are you doing here?"

"I was planning on going somewhere"

"Anywhere in mind?"

"I like to ride trains, it takes my mind off all of the shit in my life" his voice is suddenly softer. Lucas then rises to his feet and stuffs his hands in his pockets then takes them back out.

"I'm going" he juts his thumb in the direction of train just pulling up. "You wanna join me?"

I scan the area, above the many moving heads I still don't see Jane.

I haven't got her damn phone number and I don't know her address.

In away, she doesn't live anywhere, if she doesn't live anywhere, why should she have a home in my mind?

I nod and get to my feet.

"Where are we headed?"

"Anywhere, anywhere you wanna go Maura" Lucas holds out his hand and I take it, I have no one to lose now.

Jane has made it clear, she doesn't want to see me any more.

It's late when I return.

My hands are numb from the cold and I'm soon thinking back to Jane as I step onto my porch. It's like as soon as my shoe hits the foot of my door, home is the one place Jane resides.

I begin to dislike that fact.

I slot my key into the lock, but the handle turns from the inside and the door is wrenched open. My heart leaps into my throat and I stumble back.

Clare is stood in the door way, in her hand a steaming mug of coffee.  
"Maura Isles get in here now" her voice is sharp and her eyes dart back to the sitting room. My palms are instantly sweaty and my heart begins to race, every beat makes me nauseous and progressively numb. I shed my coat like a old layer of skin and let it drop to the floor, I don't care, Clare looks like death and I don't want to take my chances with it.

"Who's in-oh" I stand in the doorway of the sitting room to be faced with a lonely looking Jane. Her right eye is slightly bruised and her lip is cut, she is pressing a ice pack to the right side of her jaw.

"Jane" my voice slithers out as a whisper.

"I'd like to know where you have been" Clare sets the mug down upon the coffee table with a heavy clink and crosses her arms.

"I've been at the subway" my eyes don't move from Jane, my bottom lip beings to shiver with the bout of tears that threaten.

I don't want to cry, no, not now. I can't seem to place any emotion to them. It's anger, relief, but now mostly guilt.

"Jane, what happened?" I blurt, ignoring Clare.

"I want you to answer me first Maura" Clare buts in and Jane just shrugs.

"I told you I was at the subway, looking for-for-you Jane" I whimper in defeat, my voice is gone as tears roll down my cheeks, they are warm against my chilled skin. The warmth is unwelcome.

I wipe them away angrily and suck it up.

"Jane" I snap directly at the raven haired girl, sat, broken on my sofa. "What happened?"  
"When _I_ was waiting for you" Jane growls, her nostrils flare with physical disgruntlement. Clare nods with dark eyes trained on me.

God.

Oh, no, no, no, God.

I feel more tears leak from my ducts, I can't stop them, regret and guilt is fuelling them. Clare picks the mug up and adjusts the bobble in her hair.

"I'll put on some more tea, I want you two to sort this out" she walks past me, her slippers rustle on the carpet and clap against the tile of the hallway, ever fading.

I hobble over to Jane as soon as I hear the water run in the kitchen. Jane flinches back as if I'm a stranger. She reminds me of an animal, something wild, an untamed creature that is used to such injuries. Jane sucks in a shaky breath.

"Where were you?" Jane wheezes.

I close my eyes.

I don't want to dare telling her the truth, but she deserves it.

"I was on a train" I whisper, I can't seem to let my voice grow louder.

"Useful" I can hear Jane adjust the ice pack with a crunch.

"Sorry isn't going to help"  
"Nope"  
"Who did it?"

"Some low lives-" Jane's voice is lower, it's rich with gravel, the aftermath of shouting no doubt. "They decided to lash out on me because I looked like a 'dyke'"

"Oh, Jane" I clasp my hand over my mouth, to prevent a sob. If I had just been there, Jane wouldn't be in such a sate.

"I came here because it was the first place I could think of when I was running"

My chest is heaving, my eyes sting and I'm sure my face is red.

I have no idea what to do.

"How can I make it up to you?"

Jane scoffs and thrusts a battered Nokia into my lap.

"Put your frikin cell number in there"

I do as she says, my fingers are clumsy, still recovering from the ice outside, but I manage.

"Anything else?" I'm almost panting by the end of it.

"...Hug me" Jane dumps the ice pack onto the coffee table and I elope her in a tight embrace. I wrap my arms around the back of her neck and pull her close. I run my right hand into her hair and hold her.

I close my eyes and I take time glory in her touch.

Jane rests her head on my shoulder and breathes steadily, like every breath is only now vital.

"Do you want to go upstairs?"

Jane chuckles, I feel it vibrate into my skin.

"You're a bit forward"  
"You know what I mean Jane" I wrap a strand of her hair around my index finger and feel it spring back.  
"Let's go"


	8. Chapter 8

**Sorry for the wait, my mind has been somewhere else. **

**Enjoy.**

* * *

Today, most things are happening without my knowledge.

It's the kind of spontaneity that creates a embryo of problems, it will grow until large and bloated then birth an ugly child of chaos that will surely ruin me.

Fertilization has completed, my parents are back.

"Darling we're home"

The heavy thud of suitcases in the hallway and the door slamming shut makes me go rigid.

My ears prick up to the sound, internal alarm bells sound.

_Be presentable, walk like you've smelt something bad, don't act like you've missed them._

Even though I'm doing something completely harmless, making a Greek salad, I still feel the need to drop everything I'm doing and rush to them.

I'm like some pampered dog.

The set the knife down and wipe my hands, but I hardly think they'll be offended if I greet them with hands that have just handled lettuce.

Never the less, I cleanse my hands and walk in a calm manner to them, much like you expect a person to do on a Fire Safety video.

'walk calmly and steadily out of the room to the fire exit'

With the way my body temperature is rising, I think I should be more concerned with the spontaneous combustion.

"Mother, Father" I offer them a crooked smile, a smile only reserved for them.

"Maura, darling" my Mother is the first to wrap me in a hug. Her perfume clings to me after she pulls away, I try and refrain from coughing. My Father is much warmer in his approach, he is always less formal, much like a Father should be.

"Maura, I trust you haven't blown up the kitchen with a test for the denser gas?"

I snort, I'm sure I wouldn't have been careless enough to blow up the kitchen even if I did to comparison testing on the density on gas molecules.

"Hello Father"

He smells a lot more inviting. To be honest, he smells like ham and I am hungry, so that's why I probably enjoy his company more that my Mother's.

"Did you have a good holiday?"

"Trip darling" my Mother soon leaves my Father to carry the bags up stairs and beckons me into the sitting room. For some reason, the response that swims in my mind is _have a nice fall? _

I've been spending too much time with Jane.

Jane.

They don't know about Jane, nor should they, I don't think they should know.

Should they know?

No, they shouldn't.

Do not tell them.

"I've brought you a present" my Mother suddenly produces a bag, I have no idea where from.

Did she walk in with it?

I stand awkwardly in front of her as she hands it to me. I'm surprised with the weight, my arm tremors with the sudden change. I smile in thanks and set it upon the coffee table to open it, inside rests a tank.

A small glass tank then inside of that, hiding underneath a clump of what looks like foliage, is a tiny tortoise.

"It's an African Spurred Tortoise"

"You went to _France_ not Africa" I blurt, my eyes are glued to the tiny animal. I can't help but smile, it's only 2 inches if that.

"I thought you'd like him" my Mother huffs in defense.

"No!" I spin, I didn't mean to offend her. "No, I love it-him" I grin and pull the tank from the bag to look at him in a better light.

"Mother you do realize this species of Tortoise can grow up to 36 inches long"

"Yes" she sits poised, like she is waiting for someone to take her photo. The best Mother in the world would be the caption if it were up to here right now.

I'd aptly caption it: _she has no idea what she has just bought. _

"I love him Mother" I hug her quickly and then return to the Tortoise.

"I knew you would" her response is flimsy.

Did she really know or did she just buy him because he's cute? Did she buy it for herself then realize that she couldn't take care of it and gave it to her brainy daughter so she could care for it?

I have a feeling that's what went through her mind.

"What are you going to name him?" my Mother asks.

"I don't know" I'm at awe of how it's shell appears to be almost paper thin with scales, I know they will soon harden to form a portable home for him. His eyes are wise, pitch black and are currently fixed upon the strawberry that I presume my Mother left for him.

"Bass" I sigh.

"Pardon?" my Mother cuts in.

"His name is Bass, after William Marvin Bass the third, the forensic anthropologist" I grin, I have no idea why, but from examining the Tortoises shell I was reminded of Bass's work, probably from the delicate state of his body and how it will grow stronger and leave something spectacular when he dies.

Not that I want him to die, he's too adorable.

"Of course" my Mother has a smirk behind her tone, I ignore it.

"Can I keep him in my room?"

"For now" my Mother is probably weary of the size he will grow to, I hardly think she'll want him roaming around in my closet. I wouldn't mind if it ever happened, if my shoes were some place else at the time that is.

The sound of my Father heaving the suitcases up the stairs echoes around the house, it breaks or conversation. We listen out in case he falls or drops one of them, when that doesn't happen, my Mother continues.

"Well, I hope you like it"

"Him" I correct. "Bass, his name is Bass" I feel my chest well with pride.

"Yes, _Bass_"

"Thank you Mother" I grin and but she makes a swift exit before I can say much else. Not that she really needs to hear anything more, I'm too distracted with how Bass is happily eating the strawberry, with his tiny beaked mouth.

* * *

By the time the Christmas holidays arrive, Bass has grown to 4 inches and Jane is yet to meet my parents.

I keep this thought in mind as we both walk back to my house, trudging through the snow to get there. Even though my parents are both at work, I still feel like now, Jane is a guilty pleasure. As we walk up the driveway, Jane finally comments on Bass, the main topic of conversation since we met up at the metro. My conversation that is, I've been the only one talking. Jane is silent, brooding almost.  
"So you got a turtle?"

"He's a Tortoise" I correct calmly and shiver as the wind whips my face.

"Still" Jane huffs, she's huddled in an over sized hoodie with a large navy scarf wrapped around her neck, I can just about see her nose.

She looks adorable, like a lanky Eskimo.

"I think I'll make some tea"

"Coffee" she grunts.

"Of course" I take the key from my coat pocket and slot it into the door. We step inside and my skin seems to open up to the warmth of the house. The snow on our shoes is soon wiped off on the floor mat and the shoes themselves, discarded.

"I hate winter" Jane pulls down her hood and I make a move to unwrap her scarf, I've been wanting too since I spotted it. I just wanted to tug it off her and wrap us both in it.

"I love it" I sigh and wrap the two ends of the scarf around my hands, like reigns. I pull on the scarf so her forehead rests upon mine then I soundly kiss her.

At first, it's just lips to lips, but upon drawing back, I feel like urge, much like magnet draw me back, this time with hotter intentions.

Jane's top lip is soon between both of mine, or she could say my bottom lip was between hers. Jane bites my lip as I pull back, her teeth dig softly into the gooey flesh. My heart begins to race faster, pumping much needed blood to my brain to stop myself from collapsing with the electricity she is sending up and down my spine. I try and think straight, but nothing really makes sense. I can safely say, I've never been kissed like it before, not even when we made love for the first time, Jane never kissed me like this.

I pull back and steady myself.

"Maur" Jane husks.  
"Huh?" I still have hold of the scarf. Jane's hands have moved to unbutton my coat. Thoughts soon become an impossibility as Jane's slender hands slip around my hips. Giving me a false sense of security, Jane tricks me into thinking I can control myself until her hands slip down and she cups my rear, pawing it with the intent to seduce me.

She gets a gold star for that.

"Upstairs?" she speaks between chase kisses down my neck and back up again.

"Sofa"

Jane stops and raises an eyebrow.

"Just do as I say" I snap, I'm to far gone and I think my body knows it too. As we lock our lips again, Jane takes no shame in running her tongue along my bottom lip and with her hands still upon my rear, holds my hips to hers, like she wants our two bodies to merge. I feel a moan build in my throat, but I'm stubborn to let it out.

All I can think about is getting Jane out of her clothes, I'm not letting a thought betray my vocal chords.

"I didn't take you for the type" she winks and walks me backwards into the sitting room, then as the back of my knees hit the sofa, I just let her fall into me. I use my right arm to prop myself up as we're still leaning, like some sort of tango dive.

I honestly fear for my sanity as Jane cups the side of my neck and rubs her thumb into my pulse point.

I kick my shoes off and curl my toes at the feeling when takes her thumb from my pulse and sucks on it, she makes the blood rise, along with my heart beat.

She's killing me.

I run my hands down her front and tug at the hoodie, Jane gets the message and almost tears it off her body. She throws it somewhere, not that I really care where it lands.

With tussled hair and cheeks still pink with the cold, Jane draws back, panting to peer at me. Her eyes are dark, intense with lust.

"Maura" she's rubbing my inner thigh as she speaks, her index finger leaves a trail of icy fire, it leaves a trail of goosebumps across my skin.

I furrow my brow and try to listen, by my heart decides to drum in my ears, gushing as though it wants to posses me.

I inch my legs further apart, whimpering unwillingly as I do so. Jane's fingers hook around my underwear put pause, mid tug.

Wearing a skirt is undoubtedly my downfall, it's hitched up around my thighs, exposing my vulnerable nether region to the air and to Jane's regal gaze.

"Jane" I open one eye, my chest is heaving, I must look manic, but I don't care, I just want her to have her way. "Please" I pant. Jane kisses my quivering lips.

"That's more like it" she purrs somewhat darkly and runs her middle finger up and down me. I arch my back and I feel the heat of a blush invade my skin.

"Do you think we'll be on Santa's naughty list?"

I don't bloody care if I'm on Frosty the Snowman's naughty list, I just want her to have sex with me. Right. Now.

What does she want me to say? Does she want me to swear? I can swear, I'll swear loudly, very, very loudly if she doesn't get on with it. I flex my fingers and try to steer her hand further into me, but Jane catches me and pins my hands above my head with her spare hand.

"I not in the mood Maur"

"Nor am I _Jane_" I gulp thickly, my voice is a snarl through swollen lips.

"Then we're on the same page" Jane suddenly nips my clitoris. I jolt and whine.

I struggle against her hold.

What's gotten into her? Why is she suddenly making me beg like some animal for food?

I groan through gritted teeth, despite the weather outside, I'm practically baking in my own body.

Then a voice belonging to nether of us calls out.

"Maura?"

I try to answer but Jane's lips are upon mine and finally, she's pumping her fingers roughly in and out, I buck my hips into her hand, but the voice is closer.

It's Jane's voice, but how is Jane speaking if her lips are on mine?

* * *

The sunlight is white across my closed eyelids, making them pink with veins. I open one eye as the light is then blocked by a figure.

"Finally, Maur, you've been squirming for frikin' ages" Jane is stood over me, her hair is tied back into a loose scrunchy.

"You're here?" I sit up, my nerves are livid.

"Yeah" she looks around and motions up and down herself.

"My Mother-"

"She let me in and kept trying to offer me cheese, last time I was offered cheese I had sex so I declined" she winks and sits down at the end of my bed. "Get up"

"What? Why?" I rub my eyes and stifle a yawn behind my hand.

"_We're_, you and I, are gonna go for a walk, well then go some place" she pats my leg. I'm then shockingly aware of the ache between my legs.

I can't fend the blush off, it's invaded my cheeks before I can even clear my mind.

"We have like fifteen minuets, get up, the bathroom is-" Jane peers around my room and spots my on suite door ajar. "There, go" she shoos me from my bed, my pyjama pants are twisted and my hair still tussled, I pad over to my bathroom.

"I'm coming-" I bite down on my lip and wince, I'm glad my back is turned. "I mean I'm going, doing, erm, yeah" I press my hand to my forehead and hope for the best as I go freshen up.

* * *

**I'm trying to capture the rush of the first month of a relationship. In my opinion, it's mostly physical affection two people share, from there it develops past the basic presence of one another. **

**But from here, I have to say I'm sorry, I have MAJOR writers block, it's cruel. **

**Reviews are appreciated.**


	9. Chapter 9

**I hope you enjoy this. **

* * *

Before I can really register where we are going or what we're doing, Jane is leading me across a frosty car park.

No cars are parked, luckily, because I have a strict feeling the sign that has been ripped off the gate we entered through was one that said:

NO ENTERY.

We're on private land. If there was a car, it would mean we'd get caught and I'm to tired to really deal with it.

"Jane, where are we going? I'm sure whatever you wanted us to see, we've missed it-"

"I lied" Jane cuts me off. "I said we had fifteen minuets to get you up and out"

"Lovely" I sneer, so I _did_ have time to get dressed properly then. I could have at least picked out a nicer shirt.

This white Solstice shirt makes me look like a nun with my black duffel coat over it.

We walk down a small dark alley. The walls are glazed with ice, frozen torrents of water that have previously spilled from a broken pipe now sit on the glassy brick.

That pipe is hanging loosely from the wall, creaking and groaning in the wind.

Jane glances back at me, her cheeks are flushed.

"You okay?" she stops, looking at me with worried eyes.

"I'm-" I can't lie, I feel guilty. I had a wet dream about her, now I'm gallivanting around pretending nothing happened. "I feel, sort of okay, you know, health wise" I splutter, I fidget with my scarf to distract myself.

Jane looks as if she is about to say something, but turns on her heel and continues to walk in silence.

My heels clip on the floor, they aren't tall but are high enough to slap against the stone and echo.

Jane is dressed in contrast.

Walking in a pair of tatty black skinny jeans, combat boots and her hoodie, we look as different as the sun and the moon.

I nibble upon the loose skin on my lip.

I can't help but feel somewhat snobbish.

We walk down the alley until we come to a large black iron gate. Against the bars rest planks of rotting wood, damp with snow. I stare at it almost like the world is now dependant on me making some form of move towards it.

"Now what?" I turn to Jane and she's already got her rear in my face. I'm confused for a moment why that part of her anatomy is suddenly level with my eyes.

Have a struck down to my knees in some pervish impulse to ogle at it?

With the rattle of mesh, which I'm guessing is at the other side of the gate.

Jane leaps over.

I'm stood alone, defenceless at the bottom of an alley.

It's not exactly how I would like to spend a day.

"Maura" Jane's head pops up from behind the other side, her eyes are bright with mischief. "You just gonna stand there or let me help you get over?"

I scale up the gate.

I'm wearing Ambie Brodie Jeans for crying out loud, why does she always drag me out to places like this when I'm wearing designer clothes?

Jane has no idea how much effort it is to even get it to these, never mind walk in them. Then looking good in them takes a fair amount of stamina.

I narrow my eyes.

Her Jane-dar mustn't see my clothes as anything important.

Just a blip on my anatomy.

I chew on my lip, according to last nights dream, my clothes are practically non existent to her.

"Do you realise what I'm wearing Jane?"

"Clothes" Jane puzzles, as if it's the hardest question she's ever had to face.

Much like Bass trying to decided lettuce or a strawberry.

"I'm wearing Ambie Brodie jeans" I pout.

"And I'm wearing half price jeans from Wall Mart, now we're past _that_ hiccup in our relationship, _thank God_ it's over. Can you get over this fence?"

"I can, but I don't want to ruin my jeans"

I heard Jane mutter something about panties and her head pops back up, her eyes bore into me. The mesh on the gate rattles again.

"Maura, I'm not asking, I'm now stating that you have to get over this gate"

"Well, what if I don't want to?"

"Because of some jeans?" Jane grumbles, then silence. For a moment of brief panic, Jane has walked off without me.

My heart begins to thud and I stand on my tip toes to attempt to peer over the top, but my actions are hindered. The rattle of mesh and groaning hinges create chaos in the air around me, before I know it Jane has vaulted over the gate again.

With the thud of her feet hitting the ground, I lunge backwards, my back hits the wall with a solid 'whumph' of my coat.

Jane tilts her head to the side, her gaze is positively predatory. Jane leers over me, her arms slam down on either side of my head and I return her gaze without any hint that I am actually threatened.

Jane then nudges my legs apart with her foot. My heels scrape on the rocks and snow. The sudden ruthlessness makes my breath cut short from my lungs, no oxygen cares to pass to my brain, I'm left with primal instincts and fragments of sense. Jane ducks her head so we are face level and her eyes darken. I have no idea how much testosterone has secreted in to Jane's ovaries, but her breathing is heavy and her lips are slightly parted, moist with the saliva she has just trailed along her lip with her tongue.

I wonder how I look to her.

Flushed, innocent, much like prey I imagine.

Jane pushes her body forward into mine and removes her left hand from the wall to pinch the tiny metal handle on the zipper of my jeans.

"Jane?"

"Either climb over that damn gate or I'm ripping these jeans off your body"

My legs tingle with anticipation, my body is excited by her, but my mind is prude towards her advances, however sexy they maybe.

"Fine" I know my vocal chords are now weak and frail, my voice trails out as a horse whisper.

"Good girl" she pecks my lips and tugs the belt loops of my jeans. "Come on, it's amazing"

As I land unsteadily on feet upon the other side of the gate, I barley have time to even register the ache in my shins as my sight is captured by this haven.

I stand in awe.

It's an unexpected pocket of beauty.

The ground, from what I can see of it under the thick snow is rough, weather worn granite. Large stone arches, previously windows surround the perimeter. They tower, leaning unsteadily, like I'm looking through water at them.

Vines twist up the old windows, then spill into the stone corridors upon the other side, exposed to the elements since the glass has evidently been smashed long ago.

The corridors are dark, but not with the lack of light, they seem to be dark with shadows. Shadows of some past I am yet to discover.

Then across from us is a door, a tiny rotting wooden door, across it black iron studs lie in rows. The wood is bowed, it leans outward slightly, as if to beckon us towards it. A rusty metal bench sits in the middle of the courtyard, the black paint that was once applied is chipped and peeling, under it rests orange rust. Other than the bench, nothing else decorates the space.

Nothing really needs to.

The sun beams down, glowing upon the snow melts it slowly.

Jane takes my hand. I don't move yet, but I squeeze her hand.

"Jane, it's beautiful"

"Welcome to the Shrine of St. Jude-" Jane the points to the door. "We'll go through there, then there's a set of stairs, we walk down them, then you'll see the real beauty of this place"

"It's hidden behind an alley" I blurt, my voice echoes out.

Jane rubs her thumb across the back of my hand.

"Only a few people know it's here, not many people go looking down alleys"

"Luckily, you do" I peck her cheek and Jane walks me across the courtyard, our feet sink in the snow and crunch. Snow falls from the top of the arch in tiny clumps, they hit the ground with a icy slap.

Under the stone arch, Jane pulls a tiny chain up from around her neck and upon the end of it is a key.

"Where did you get that?"

"From the inside, I broke in about a year ago and there's this small wall of keys, there's about twenty of them, I took one... I'll show it you"

Jane fits the key into the lock with a soft click, then turns it right, the 'shink' of a lock pulling back sounds.

Jane pushes the door open and holds it open so I can step in first. When I do so, Jane steps in, snatching the key from the lock and the door slams shut.

The sound is sharp enough to echo around the walls.

I soon realise, inside, this room doesn't connect to the corridors that I saw outside. We're stood at the top of a steep stair case, I peer down, the walls are, like the courtyard, made of granite. This granite glitters as a small gas lamp lights the space.

How long has it been hanging from the roof beams?

Our breath rises in small white clouds.

Jane then leads me down the stone steps, each of our steps echoes, the hairs upon the back of my neck rise with a sudden presence.

I can't describe it, I can't fathom it in my mind, but my body is reacting.

My stomach lurches.

"It's okay Maur" Jane whispers, despite how low her voice is, it still reverberates. "Nothings down here, you're safe"

I huddle to her side and she takes me happily.

With her arm wrapped around my waist, I walk close.

I'm not scared, I just feel a great, almost divine aura around me, it haunts us as we descend down the steps.

"Who's Saint Jude?" I whisper.  
"He's one of the Apostles" Jane smiles, it's a soft expression, her eyes soften and she looks ahead. "How is it that you know about, I dunno, everything, then you don't know about the Apostles?"

"I'm a scient-" what am I? It's normal such a well rehearsed response to say when religion is involved, but I hardly think I should just offer Jane a well played mask that I wear around anyone. Jane isn't just anyone. I don't need my mask.

"I never really cared to study it"

"Still"

She's right. It's no excuse not to know who all of the Apostles are.

The air is dusty with the faint smell of incense as we walk down the last few steps. It's warmer and lighter than the top of the staircase.

There is a font to our left, glistening with water, thick with the reflection of the gold light in the room.

She dips two fingers her index and middle, then touches her forehead the crosses herself.

I copy her silently.

This world, no matter how long it's been here, is new to me and I feel almost as if, just with my uneducated presence about this particular Apostle will shatter it.

Around the perimeter of the stone walls are racks and stands containing hundreds of candles, all burning.

They all create a golden glow upon our chilled skin.

It's soon hot in the room, I shed my coat and Jane has already pulled off her hoodie to stand in a baggy black and white striped sweater.

She rolls up the sleeves and turns to me.

"You like it?"

I peer across her skin that out mine, there are small dots of light, Jane doesn't seem interested in why our skin has pinholes of lights upon it.

I remain silent and walk over to a small alcove in the wall to inspect a small statue of St. Jude.

The statue is made entirely from small broken mirror pieces.

It's reflecting all of the candle light.

"Maura?" Jane asks again. I never tire of how her voice captures my name and seduces it, no matter what tone she is aiming at me.

"It's amazing" I try to find a word, but none come to me. Amazing is an understatement. To think this has been resting under Boston all this time, hardly touched by the citizens that roam the land above.

"Yeah" Jane touches my hip and rubs her thumb on the bone. "I think it's worth jeopardising your jeans"

"It is" I chuckle, bowing my head.

"Do you wanna write a note?" Jane hands me a battered fountain pen.

"Pardon?"

"On the wall, write a note, it's good luck" Jane then motions to the rear wall. Littered in old notes, all scribbled upon the bricks. People just write upon the brick, some messages overlap others.

"It's vandalising"

"No, it's what the Nuns intended"

"Nuns?"

"I did my research. This used to be a convent up to the second world war, it was knocked down to make new buildings for munitions, they must have left the courtyard for workers to take a break and completely forgot about the underground section"  
"You mean there's more?"

"About twenty rooms under the ground, there's a stone door in the side of the staircase about halfway down, I mean, it's creepy but it leads you to all these rooms, probably where the Nuns slept"

I stare in awe.

I feel like I'm in a novel, a fantasy land.

I laugh, I can't believe this.

I'm in wonderland.

"Can we go and look?"

"For sure" Jane nods happily, then points to the wall. She still wants me to write something. "I've already written my note, your turn"

"Is this where you bring all your partners" I twirl the pen between my fingers, I've seen Lucas do it enough to replicate it.

Jane shrugs and looks at her feet.

"I'm-Am I your first girlfriend?" I quiz, waiting with baited breath for an answer. Jane stays still for a few seconds, her eyes on the floor, then she nods.

"I don't usually, like people" she rubs her arm and I feel my chest ache. I smile, I admit, I have tears in my eyes.

Tears contain more manganese, an element that affects temperament, and more prolactin.

Sobbing out manganese and prolactin is thought to relieve tension by balancing the body's stress levels and eliminating build ups of the chemicals, making the crier feel better.

I hardly feel like I am stressed though.

The most likely reason I'm producing these tears is because it's a means of communication.

"Your my first too" I whisper and Jane has a crooked smile upon her lips.

She closes the gap between us and kisses my softly.

Her left hand rest on my cheek and I wrap my arms around her neck, to draw her closer.

"Are you going to write on the wall or not" Jane pulls away, she sniffles.

Is she feeling the same as I am?

I don't vocalise my question but turn to the wall and quickly put the nib of the pen to the smooth brick.

It's white brick, dusty and I try to pick a less populated place.

I glance over my shoulder and see Jane peering at me, at my poised hand.

"Jane, don't look"

Jane turns her back.

I quickly scribble down my thoughts and set the pen down.

"Are you going to show me those rooms?" I want to walk away from the confession as quickly as possible, it's like an itch I can't scratch.

"Sure" Jane pulls her hoodie back on and I shrug my coat back on, we do this almost in time with each other.

"Ready?" I can tell Jane wants to see what I wrote, but I wont let her. I forbid her eyes to ever fall upon those seven tiny words.

"Always" I wink.

* * *

**Are you wondering what those 7 words are?**


	10. Chapter 10

**Well, I never thought I'd write so fast**

**Enjoy  
**

* * *

Unlike most people, I love the day after a new year.

Whereas half of the population are nursing hangovers, I try to mentally map how I'm going to spend the next 12 months.

I can fill my time with Jane, Bass and possibly my new camera.

I told my Father just before the Sunday before Christmas day, I wanted a camera. A camera that took photos with film rather than digitally.

Father nodded, it was the most disinterested look I have ever received, that had me convinced he had gotten me something else.

Alas, on Christmas day, sat at the foot of my bed, amongst other presents sat one particular present. The most hideously wrapped present I have ever witnessed. I knew it was from my Father, he can't wrap things.

I opened it first, with Bass at my side to share my delight.

I still like to laugh over my initial shock at witnessing

It's by far the oddest looking camera I have ever seen. Diana F+ is the camera my Father bought, he even went to the extent of buying the 'valentines day' edition for me.

At first I was puzzled of why he had bought me a camera with Adam and Eve upon it, then why he had bought the 'valentines edition'.

When I asked him after the family meal, being forced to take pictures of Aunt Clare, who at some point after eating her pudding carried Bass around the house singing to him.

Father peered over his news paper and smiled, the most brilliant display of affection I have ever seen from the man.

He was practically beaming. Through his half moon glasses, his eyes danced with pride.

"I thought you'd like to photograph that lovely girlfriend of yours" he whispered and winked at me.

I spent the rest of the day blushing.

* * *

I carry the camera at my waist now, spring is arriving as I skip down to the metro. The camera film has 15 photos left out of 35.

I took twenty over the course of Christmas and the weeks after.

On the 5th of January, Aunt Clare invited my Father, Jane and I to a day out, Mother was invited but she declined saying she had work.

We went to the beach, typical really. Aunt Clare chose the dampest day to go to a beach, she said it was her favourite time to go and Father owed her.

I'm yet to find out what Father made Aunt Clare do.

Jane agreed to come along and we spent the best part of two hours in the back of Aunt Clare's Chevrolet.

The old truck was something my Father had always wanted.

My Father actually voiced that my Mother hates them to Aunt Clare as we drove across country.

Huddled in our coats, Jane tried to hide from almost every photo I tired to take of her.

I took three in total, one of them is Jane pulling a ridiculous duck face, another one is her hand trying to block the lens, then there is one where she is looking out of the window, her eyes are fixed upon the rain trickling down the windowpane.

I like to catch her off guard, it's the easiest moment to see her being herself.

Jane snatched the camera and took a photo of me, she demanded she have it after it was developed.

I took one of my Father and Jane talking on the bay, the beach was deserted so I was pleased to take so many without random people appearing in the background, if you don't count Aunt Clare that is.

She kept leaping on Father's back and demanding piggy backs.

Despite the wet sand, Jane still managed to make a sand castle, even if it did look like a pile of dung by the end.

Aunt Clare stole my camera and took one of my Father stuck in a hole she'd dug.

I still like to giggle at that.

I have to say, that was the only time I'd seen my Father actually enjoy himself in a long time, he'd also managed to keep the stubble since the following day, Mother hates him with a facial hair. I happen to think he looks charming with a beard.

Father and Aunt Clare didn't mind when I kissed Jane either, although that did make us the target for three photos, all in different places upon the beach.

There is one where we are stood under the dock, I'm pressed against a wooden beam and Jane has her hands on my hips, my hands are in her hair.

I still get tingles when I think back to how she kissed me.

I can't even remember how they found us, after we'd distracted them and ran.

The second photo is Jane pecking me on the cheek, I have one eye closed and my nose scrunched up.

The third is when I stole Jane's jacket and ran around with it. The photo is a freeze frame of Jane leaping on me.

* * *

Now, Pigeons flutter onto the railings of the subway.

As I flatten the pleats in my dress to set them in place, my gaze gravitates towards my left.

Jane is waiting for me by the newspaper stand.

I feel a heat flush my cheeks.

I stand for moment to take her in, it's a habit I can't kick.

Her hair has grown and is as unruly as ever, it seems to be creating havoc as her parting causes half of her hair to hang over her right eye.

Clad in a black baggy v-neck tee and dark crimson jeans, Jane looks brilliant.

"Hi" she waves me over and I practically leap into her arms. I've not seen her in weeks.

I wrap my arms around the back of her neck and I bury my face into the side of her neck to kiss the skin.

"I missed you" I sigh and Jane plants a kiss in my hair.

"I've missed you too Maur" he response is somewhat stern, like it's be rehearsed. I pull back and look closer at her.

The purple crescents under her eyes and her paled skin indicate she's not sleeping.

It doesn't take a genius to figure out that something is gnawing at her.

"Are you okay?" I take a step back and look her up and down.

Jane shrugs.

"Nothing to really talk about- where do you want to go?"

"I was thinking the park" I don't press the matter, I don't want to demand answers from her, I'll collect them in strands, in tiny words in some aimless conversation.

As we walk Jane holds my hand tightly, her are fixed a head, she looks haunted.

It's like I'll float away,as if I am made of paper.

"Is your Dad still trying to grow that beard?" she smirks, her eyes still ahead.

"No, Mother caught him, she actually shaved it from his face" I smile weakly in attempt to get Jane to look at me, but she doesn't.

"How's Frankie?" Jane told me about how her Brother had broken his arm, I had offered to go and see him but Jane refused.

"He's better, Ma is letting him stay off school"

"Lucky" I feel my camera hit my upper thigh with the speed we are walking at. I slink it off my shoulder and let go of Jane's hand, only then does Jane turn. I raise my camera and look through the eye piece, then snap the small shutter lever, I'm quick to take the photo before Jane can protest.

"Do you have to always take photos of me?"

"Your too pretty not to" I grin, but Jane doesn't respond she just tucks her hands into her pockets and walks on.

I feel my heart sink.

She's bored with me, she's finally turned into any other girl.

I can't take it.

"Jane" I snap, I stand my ground. A few people turn to look at me, to wonder why I have snapped so loudly at a girl they have only seen for a second.

"What?" Jane spins around, her lips are thin.

"Tell me, now"

"It's nothing"

"Tell that to your attitude" I glare at her, I'm proud that I've used one of her own come backs at her. Jane sets her jaw and walks back to me.

"Why won't you just let it go Maur?"

"Because you're not letting me let it go" I hiss and begin to walk again. I don't want to shout at her while I'm standing in the middle of a busy high street.

"What?" Jane follows.

"You know what. Jane, why won't you tell me-" I stand dead in the street. My body grows ridged. "Unless, you're breaking up with me" I have to force the words up my throat and through my parted lips.

Jane stays silent.

I close my eyes.

"What have I done?" I sigh. I'm numb, nothing is around me, it's just us. Just us in the universe.

"No, I'm not breaking up with you" Jane hisses and takes my arm, she leads me down an alley and faces me, her eyes are red around the edges.

Those eyes know. They know far more than academics and logic, they show that Jane knows about strength and fragility, she knows we are everything and it's opposite.

Jane knows how hard it is to grow up, to mature and leave.

"Then wha-"

I feel my stomach drop.

"I have to leave Maura" Jane tenses.

"Leave?" I try not to sound desperate. I try not to let ideas invade my head and manipulate my behaviour to make me lash out without a trace of rationality. I see everything that could happen, the best and worst in Jane's reddened eyes.

"My Ma and Pop divorced just before Christmas, I'm moving with my Ma, so is Frankie and Tommy"

"Where?" I try not to loose focus, if I let my emotions take over the 60% of rational thinking I have left, it'll surely be the end.

"Brookline"

"I can-" I'm cut off.

"I can't make the trips to see you Maura and I don't want you to travel to just to see me" Jane looks at the ground and lets out a sob.

My own eyes are rich with tears.

I'm down to 40% as the first tear falls.

"Jane" I press my hand to her cheek. "I'd travel the God damn globe just to see you" I whisper against her lips.

Jane presses her lips to mine.

"Do you still want to go to the park?" Jane pulls away and extends a shaky hand to me.

"I don't really want to go anywhere" I mutter, I have to bite my lip to stop myself from crying and loosing everything I have worked to keep.

"Please Maura" Jane's voice thick.

A minuets silence is shared between us until I take her hand.

I try hard not to think that this is the last day Jane can put her arms around me and make me feel secure about the world.

I'm floating away and she's not going to be here to weigh me down.


	11. Chapter 11

**I hope this is a good ending. **

**It's a predictable one, that's for sure.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

An hour before my shift, an hour before I'm even supposed to be here, I hear the trundle of the gurney, a corpse is being wheeled through.

It's my second day as Chief Medical Examiner at Boston P.D. I'm still adjusting to my title and role in the justice system.

How do they know?

My blinds are closed, my door is locked, I'm sat in darkness.

I'm tempted to hide under my desk and finish my doughnut.

"Doctor Isles"

They know I'm here.

I discard my doughnut and walk out of my office, dusting my hands of the sugar.

"Yes" I cover my mouth still chewing. The black body bag is sat there, on the gurney, it's waiting.

"Found them this morning, drowned" Clark one of the techs breezes past. I nod to him in thanks.

I wash my hands quickly, already dressed in my scrubs, I pull on my gloves then take to the corpse, that has been lay out onto my table.

A young man.

Dark haired, strong jaw.

He's handsome.

He's around 6'3, broad build, a little belly fat but nothing to indicate he died from gluttony. There is no physical evidence to suggest he fell into a pool eating a hot dog or something insured to block his arteries. I've had a case like that before, if the poor man hadn't drowned, I would have chuckled.

I hear the doors open with a whoosh. The rubber rims on the edges of the doors cause me to often think something is being sucked into an air vent every time someone walks in.

"Hey, Doc" Detective Korsak strides in.

The man's beard is shorter today.

He seems to be the only Detective who comes down here, but today, he's broken he pattern, his flanked by Detective Frost and a woman.

All I witness is a mop of raven waves.

I brush off the feeling of familiarity with the female.

"You're early Detective"

"This guy didn't drown" a voice cuts through. The woman.

"I can't confirm that" I look up from the corpse to meet two dark eyes.

My heart skips a beat and all irritation that had once been inflicted by the female Detective washes away.

I know those eyes, I know that voice.

"I-I can't confirm anything until I've finished my autopsy, or even started it for that matter" I raise an eyebrow, I try to look as normal as I can, but my body begins to heat up.

The room has suddenly been set alight and has left me sweltering.

"Hey, Doc, you okay? You look pale" Korsak notes.

_Just go and point it out, it's not like I wanted to look composed. _

"I'm fine" I waft my hand in dismissal and pick up my scalpel from the tray.

I'm shaking.

Why am I shaking?

I never shake.

I breathe out, I can't work like this.

"Detectives, could you return when I find out?" I keep my eyes fixed upon the corpse, but I still feel her eyes upon me, trying to catch my eye again.

"Sure thing" Frost is the first to go, the man practically runs out. Korsak follows laughing, but the female Detective stays. Korsak and Frost don't seem to bothered about her decision to stay.

"I was told there was a new M.E." she starts. "Korsak said she was beautiful" her voice is slick, deep, charming on the surface, but almost sad underneath.

I drop my scalpel, it lands upon the metal slab with a clink. I stand straight and force myself to look at her sternly, no matter how much I want to cry in anxious relief.

"Thirteen years" I finally summon the strength to speak.

"Can you tell?" she smirks and motions to herself, flicking her hair back mocking a model.

"You've become a Detective" I nod, every other snipe, grudge, mean word that has filed into my mind over the years are now gone.

My mouth has dried up to the point I can't produce a single vowel any more.

Jane inches closer, then walks away from the slab. Her heels thump on the tile.

I draw a shaky breath.

"You've become an M.E" her lips are by my ear, I twitch and shudder. I feel her hands press to my back, onto my shoulder blades. Jane runs her hands down my back, I instinctively arch my back as she trails her index finger up my spine.

She's remembered my body, as if she made a mental map all those years ago and had read it every night until we met again.

Then her arms slip around my front, hugs me from behind. I lash my arms out in front of me to grip the slab to save myself from collapsing.

Neutron by neutron I loose my composure as she presses her lips to the back of my neck. I gulp thickly in attempt to moisten the walls of my throat.

"Jane" I groan, I meant the sound to be sharp, insensitive, angry, but it slips past my lips as if I'm being pleasured.

Jane rests her forehead on my shoulder and hugs me tighter.

"I've missed you so much" she whispers into my scrubs and I turn in her arms, slowly so I don't knock her over or make her reflexes kick in so she punches me.

"You never called" I press out foreheads together and Jane slips her hands down to my hips. I can feel her breath against my lips.

"You didn't either"

It's true.

Neither of us contacted each other.

It's a coincidence.

Sheer luck that Jane has just appeared.

Jane brushes her lips against mine and I whimper.

"Not here" I pant.

Jane laughs.

It's still the strong belly laugh I always liked to coax from her stern features.

"After work then" Jane traces her fingers along the hem of my scrub trousers.

"After work" I wrap my arms around her neck. "I missed you"

"I missed you too" Jane's voice cracks and I duck my head into the side of her neck, to nuzzle the skin.

"You look good in a blouse" I chuckle.

* * *

The night is musky with heat.

The air is fresh with the smell of car fumes.

Strictly Co2 and sticky tarmac.

I feel no need to bring my jacket, so I just leave it in my car and follow Jane from the precinct.

Jane is taller, a few inches or so, her lanky limbs are filled out with more muscle. She walks with the same posture and sway that enthralled me the first time.

"What happened to that camera?" Jane smiles at me after we've been walking for twenty minuets.  
"What happened to that hoodie?" I smirk and Jane lolls her head back to let out a bark of a laugh.

"That things long gone"

"My camera isn't" I admit shyly, I still have it in a box on my book shelf. I've not touched it in years, but I often find myself peering at it. Remembering the photos I took.

"Really?" Jane rolls up the sleeves of her blouse and un-tucks her shirt.

"I saw no reason to get rid of it" I shrug. "Where are we going?" I try to flatten the creases in my dress, I should have worn some looser clothes.

"If I told you, you'd probably call me a soppy romantic" Jane stuffs her hands into the pockets of her slacks.

"It's strange" I hum into the night air.

"What?"

"Seeing you look relativity smart"

"Gee, thanks" Jane nudges me and I look ahead, out upon the street where cars stop in traffic. We cross the road and I soon know where we are.

The car park we crossed to get to St. Jude's shrine.

Now, the car park is used for fly tipping.

"I'm not going to call you a soppy romantic" I grimace at the old sofa that has been discarded, it's accompanied by trash and what looks like a old bike.

"I just want to see what you wrote"

"I wrote?"

"Remember, the wall?"

"You still want to know?" I'm surprised she's remembered at all. It was just some silly fantasy I had.

"Yeah, it's always bugged me"

"Then why not just go and look, you could have come back any time"

_It would save me the embarrassment. _

Jane smiles softly.

"I wanted to be with you when I read it"

We turn into the alley and I soon remember the gate.

"Please tell me that gate isn't there" I jut a finger in the gates direction once we are at the foot of the alley.

"You're wearing a dress this time, not Ambie poo poo jeans" Jane speaks while flicking on her torch.

"Ambie poo poo?" I furrow my brow. I don't remember any make of clothes being called that.

"You know what I mean Maura"

"What are you three?" I can't help but chuckle at Jane's expression. It's a cross between utter confusion and irritation.

"Don't make me undress you to get over that gate"

"You'll have to hold my heels" I wink as we walk down. Jane lowers the torch to the ground as lights our path.

It's just as I remember it, damp, dark, narrow, everything a creepy alley should look like.

It offers the fight or flight mode, I can either run or face my fear.

There is no threat, only my mind creating the illusion that there is something lurking for us.

My heels click on the cracked paving and the sound crawls up the brick walls caging us in.

Jane and I are soon stood in front of the gate.

"You first" I prod her shoulder in encouragement, then slip off my heels. "And hold these"

"Okay Doctor Bossy" she shoots me a glare, but takes my heels anyway. With her torch clasped in her mouth, Jane takes to the gate, right leg first.

Jane is over the gate in no time, then pops her head over.

"Hurry up" she shines the torch at me.

"Now who's Doctor Bossy" I huff, I block my eyes from the white beam and climb up the gate. The mesh on the other side rattles and the gate wobbles.

"Still you, I'm Detective Bossy" she helps me down once I'm over the other side. Jane holds me to her, with her arm looped around me, just bellow my rear.

I want to wrap my legs around her hips and cling to her, but I resist the urge and she gently lowers me to my feet.

Just as my feet touch the ground, Jane thrusts my heels at me.

"Thank you" I take them and slip them on. The courtyard has stayed the same, the ivy growing around the windows has taken over most of the ground and the inside corridors now.

The bench is bare of paint and is just rust.

Jane shines her torch over the courtyard as she also inspects it.

"Ready?" she turns to me.

"Always" I lean up and kiss her cheek. We walk across the courtyard and Jane produces the key from her back pocket.

"You kept it?"

"I guess so" I know Jane wants to say something sarcastic, something to lace over her shame of actually keeping something from when we were younger.

There is no shame in keeping mementos.

"I'm glad you did" I mutter.

Jane smiles softly to herself as she fits the lock in the door. The lock pulls back and Jane ushers me in first then she follows.

The gas lamp isn't glowing, in fact, when Jane raises her torch, it looks like it's been out for a long time.

"Do you have a lighter?" I ask. My voice echoes down the stairs.

"What? Why?" Jane raises an eyebrow.

"So I can relight it"

"I have a some matches" Jane hands me the thin pack.

"Where did you get them?"

"It's never ending questions with you" Jane rolls her eyes but smirks. I stand ready for the answer.

"Frost gave them to me after he got them free with some magazine"  
"A magazine?"

"That's what he said" Jane holds her hands up in defence.

I set my attention on the lamp.

I twist the small knob on the side and wait until I can hear the hiss of remaining vapours.

"Jane could you strike a match?"

"You just said you wanted them"  
"Be patent" I pinch the newly struck match in between my fingers and with the 'poof' of the gas setting alight, the staircase glows.

Jane turns off her torch. The glow from the lamp is all that is needed.

I feel a knot in my stomach, a bundle of nerves that creates a buzz around my body.

Jane takes to the stairs before me.

As we walk down, Jane glances at me.

"Do you remember when we went into one of those rooms and you thought there was this body-"  
I laugh.

The memory is one that, despite being embarrassing is one of my favourites.

"And it was a coat rack" I finish, we both snigger.

The room fills with the sound.

As we stand in the shrine, Jane dips her finger into the holy water, there is only an inch of it left, probably from the evaporation caused by the many remaining candles.

Jane crosses herself, I do the same, I take time to feel the water upon my fingers.

This water seems thicker, considerably denser than tap water.

Jane walks over to the wall, she makes a beeline and stands in front of it. The right side of her face glitters due to the statue of St. Jude.

My vision blurs from Jane to my hand as I lift it and watch my palm glitter with the reflection.

"Maura" Jane turns and I drop my hand to my side. I look around, what have I done?

"What?"

Her tone is serious, it creates a ball of dread in my stomach that bounces around like a ping-pong ball.

Jane strides up to me and presses her lips to mine.

My eyes flutter shut.

Behind the veil of darkness my eyes lids create, I'm left with feelings, emotions that pump around the veins to supply my heart with blood to keep the muscle beating faster and faster.

I cup her face and rub her cheek bones with my thumbs as our lips move. My nerves are on fire, they make the heat rise up to my skin and cause me overheat.

It's like I'm crashing back to to earth after a thirteen year wait on the moon. I had no real gravity, I could jump and float away if I wished, but I stayed obedient and waited.

Now I'm plummeting through the atmosphere.

Back to Earth.

Back home.

Jane moves her lips with mine, the wet pecking noises of our hungry lips drums through me, my body wants more. For once, my mind agrees.

Jane cradles my lower back, pushing my body to hers.

I tilt my head right, Jane tilts her head left and I brush my tongue against hers, parting I bite her lower lip tenderly and pull.

Jane whimpers, it's a throaty sound and she pulls at the belt around my dress.

I pull away and taste her on my lips.

Panting for oxygen, I manage to rasp.

"You read it?"

Jane nods.

"You're my first, _my last_, Maura-" Jane closes her eyes and ducks her head, her cheeks flush. "My everything"

I remove my hands from her face and run them down her front to pop her blouse buttons in and out of the holes.

I smile timidly and walk her to the wall, which has my note on.

Dust puffs around us and Jane's back hits the wall with a thud.

She grins at me, her eyes glint.

"I love you" I whisper against her lips and kiss her in hurried pecks.

"I love- you- too" Jane speaks between kisses and I run my hands into her hair.

Jane slides down the wall, dragging me with her to the floor.

"We're going to _do it_ in a shrine?" I breathe as Jane rolls me onto my back and lies atop of me.

"_Do it_?" Jane runs her hand from my knee, up under my dress and strokes my inner thigh. "We're not sixteen"

"I was" I blush and Jane kisses me.

Then traces patterns into my inner thigh, coaxing a moan.

I glance above us and can clearly see my message, faded into the brick.

_I want you to be my last. _

My attention is snapped back when Jane hitches my dress up.

"Don't leave this time" I whisper.

"Just try and get rid of me"


End file.
